Why do i have problems making friends

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why do i have problems making friends

Why do some people seem to make friends naturally?
And why do others have problems making friends?
Why do you sometimes find a person who gets along with everyone in a short period of time and why do you find a person who approaches new people with great difficulty in other times?

The answer to these questions lies in two words, the belief system of those people!
I have explained before how the perception of any situation you go through is greatly affected by your beliefs.

This belief can be a specific one such as "i am a boring person" or a more general one such as "people won't like me"

In both cases you will interpret a situation according to your beliefs and as a result your behaviour will follow.

People who have problems making friends are the ones who behave incorrectly around new people just because they interpreted reality incorrectly!

Why they had problems making friends

Three teens moved to a new school where they had to make friends. The first one always believed that people don't like his looks and as a result he never tried to approach them. (see How to change limiting beliefs)

The second one was a little more brave so he managed to start some conversations with some new people however he always used to back off and leave because of believing that people weren't interested in the topics he talks about. (see How perception affects behaviour)

The third managed to make few friends only to start backing off after doubting that they really like him!

All three people used to interpret tiny signals that had no real significance in a way that helps them fortify their incorrect beliefs about themselves.

One day the three guys were standing with two new people whom they just met. When the two new people looked at each other and smiled the first one believed that they smiled because they didn't like his looks, the second believed they smiled because they didn't like what he said while the third believed that they smiled because they don't like him while they act as if they do!

This is why some people find problems making friends

This is exactly why some people find problems making friends. Because they interpret reality incorrectly then act according to this interpretation and as a result they prove their beliefs true.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that if you approached a person while you were not sure whether he likes you or not then you might be cold, you might forget to smile and you might even give him the impression that you don't care about making him like you. As a result that person will respond back by being cold because he is unsure as well whether you like him or not.

In the end you will discover that you both became distant just because you both aren't sure of the intentions of each other!

Now try to do the same exact thing with confidence and see how the result will be. Try to approach that same person with a big smile and you will find him responding back to you. Shortly you will become friends.

In short if you want to have no problems making friends then:

  • 1) Adjust the incorrect reality you see: Learn how to see reality instead of seeing your own interpretation of it. If you fear snakes then you stumbled upon a wooden stick you might believe that its a snake for the first instance. On the other hand your friend who don't fear snakes will only see a stick (see also Self confidence and fear)
  • 2) If you can't adjust reality then don't change your behaviour: If you can't convince yourself that you are seeing reality incorrectly then at least don't change the way you approach others by being cold, distant or even by backing off. Your behaviour determines the response you will get from people which in turn will affect your ability to make friends

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

The Solid confidence program was launched by 2knowmyself.com; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

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