why do some people fear abandonment

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why are some people insecure in relationships

Ever been with someone who used to call you 5 times every single hour?
Ever been with a person who used to fight with you if you didn't call him for few hours?
Ever been with someone who used to feel jealous each time you talked to anyone from the opposite sex?
Ever been with someone who fought with you whenever you did any activity that he wasn't involved in?

If your answers were yes then most probably you were with an insecure person. Even in relationships between friends there are people who call often with no apparent reason just because they feel insecure.

For the first instance you might think that those people aren't thinking rationally but when you get to know what's going on in their minds you will understand them perfectly.

Those people are actually afraid of abandonment, they don't want to be left by friends or lovers and their biggest fear is getting replaced by someone else.

Because they are always concerned about these things they tend to find no other way to reassure themselves but to keep calling their friends or lovers very frequently.

If they were lucky enough to have a lover or a friend who calls them with the same frequency then they will feel safe else they might become very insecure and fight over tiny reasons.

why do some people fear abandonment

Now the question is, why do some people fear abandonment to that extent and why do some people always feel secure even if their lovers never called them?

The answer lies in the pasts of those people. Here are the possible explanations:

  • 1) They developed insecure attachment when they were children: If the primary caregiver wasn't available to meet the needs of the child or if he was partially available then the child might develop insecure attachment to the parent which usually extends to include all the people he comes in contact with. This child will always be feeling insecure around friends and the ones he love because his subconscious mind would be worried that those people would ignore him the same way his caregivers did (see also How your relationship with your parents affects you
  • 2) One of their parents left the other: If a parent, especially the opposite sexed, left the other one the child might develop a complex that prevents him from feeling secure around the opposite sex. Because the subconscious mind doesn't want the same drama to be repeated again it will make that person feel insecure about the opposite sex and it might even let him develop commitment issues
  • 3) They Never felt loved: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that If a child never felt loved or if he always questioned the love of his parents then most probably he will feel insecure around other people because he wont be sure whether they truly love him or not. That person will always want reassurance from his friends and lovers in order to calm down his wounded inner child and to believe that they love him
  • 4) They got programmed with incorrect beliefs: Even if the child got good treatment at home society, media and other people might program his mind with some limiting beliefs. If a girl was always told that all men cheat then she might believe in this fact even if her father didn't cheat on her mother and in such a case she will become insecure in relationships as well.

How to stop feeling insecure

The best way to stop feeling insecure or to help an insecure person feel secure is to let him understand the reason that makes him fear abandonment then to help him satisfy his unmet need for love in a good way.

If an insecure person felt truly loved even for some time then this could help him compensate for the unmet need he developed earlier and he might not feel insecure again.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

The Solid confidence program was launched by 2knowmyself.com; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

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