Why do some women become lesbians

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How psychological Factors affect sexual desire

Some people mistakenly think that sexual desire is all about physical need but that's totally wrong. Psychological factors always affect the sexual desire of human beings.

A man with dark skin and who in the same time doesn't think that a dark skin looks good might only find white women attractive and the reason is simple. That man has the psychological goal to compensate for his undesired skin color and that's why his sexual desire was changed to help him only get attracted to the woman that can help him meet that unmet need.

Here is another example. A woman who loves her father so much might get attracted to men who resemble him (look like him, talk like him or share some common habits with him). In most cases that woman won't understand why she found that man attractive but she will just get attracted to him when she sees him. (see How your relationship with your parents affect your personality)

This is just one example of how psychological goals, especially unconscious ones, can greatly affect sexual desire. (see How psychological factors affect sexual desire)

Now the interesting question many people never ask is when exactly are those psychological goals formed?
The answer is: many of them are formed earlier than you can imagine.

During very early years, when a child is below 4 years old, many psychological goals can be determined. Even a two years old infant can form a psychological goal then live with it until he dies.

If for example a 2 years old baby was dethroned by a new born then this child can form the psychological goal of avoiding relationships all together not to get dethroned again. Of course that's just an extremely simple example to demonstrate how psychological goals form very early in life and then determine so many things later on.

Are some women born lesbian?

No i am not talking about bisexual women because that would require a different article but i am rather talking about women who don't get attracted to males at all.Some women become lesbians and shift their interest away from men while some others never find men attractive since their early years.

I get many mails from women who tell me that they were born lesbian and that they never found men attractive at any point of their lives. The fact that a great part of personality, unmet needs and psychological goals form in the first few years of the life of an infant gives a clear explanation why this sometimes happen.

A 2 year old female infant can form an unconscious goal of evading men for so many different. I will list some of those reasons but it's very important to note that i Can't list them all. Sexual orientation can change for many different reasons but here are some simple examples:

  • 1) False beliefs about man-woman relationship: If a female infant got scared in its early years as a result of seeing the relationship between men and women in a different light then the psychological goal of avoiding men might form. This psychological goal will later on control the sexual desire of the female and this woman won't find men attractive (see How past experiences affect your future)
  • 2) Horrible father figure: The father or the male caregiver is the first male the female infant sees and interacts with. His behavior will usually determine how this female will interact with all the men she will meet later on in her life. If the father figure had bad behaviour and if his behaviour strongly affected the infant's well being then the psychological goal of avoiding men might form
  • 3) Insecurity: If the infant was too insecure to test her self worth then she might evade the test all together. For example: If the infant felt rejected by the father figure then she might unconsciously decide to avoid letting any other man get the chance to reject her and so she might turn lesbian

I know i will still get emails from people who tell me that they are born lesbian and that none of the above situations happened to them. This is why i wrote it above in bold that there could be tens of different reasons that result in the change of sexual orientation and that i just gave few examples to make the concept clear.

Lesbians don't lie when they say they don't find men attractive at all. This happens because the sexual desire of humans is plastic and it can be changed to achieve certain important psychological goals. If a man doesn't want to be with a woman , on the unconscious level, then he might never find her attractive. (see also Why do people have different sexual fantasies)

Change in sexual orientation later on

In addition to all of the above factors that happen in early childhood sexual orientation can change later on because of so many other factors such as:

  • 1) A hesitant attitude in life (fear of testing one's worth)
  • 2) A messed up relationship
  • 3) Seeing a loved one suffer because of a male-female relationship
  • 4) Lack of courage
  • 5) Commitment phobia
  • 6) And of course so many other factors that i didn't mention

Very important final note: In the industry of content creation so many blogs try to become popular by telling people what they want to hear just to gain more views, clicks or make more sales. 2knowmyself is different. Its a place where we state facts that are backed by solid research no matter how the impact might be. Our ultimate goal is to help you get a perfect level of self understanding and not getting some clicks from a person we just fooled.

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