Are you expecting much from people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Expecting much from people

I got an email from one of the readers who told me that even though he is treating people nicely he is getting bad treatment in return. I am pretty sure you have also experienced a similar situation before where you treated someone nicely only to find that person ignoring you or even treating you badly.

Now the first question you need to ask yourself is: are you treating people nicely to get something in return?
Let me explain what i mean by this question. If the sole motive behind the good treatment you give to others is getting something back then you will face lots of disappointments in life.

In the same email that same reader referred to my article why doing good is good for you and wondered how can doing good be good if we sometimes get bad treatment or get ignored.

I explained to that reader that when you do good for the sake of doing good then certainly that will impact your mood positively but when you do it for the sake of getting a certain reward then you will only feel good if you got that reward and you might even feel really bad if you didn't get anything.

Why people ignore those who treat them well

One of the main reasons people feel bad when dealing with others is that they don't quite get the human nature. All people are egoistical, at least to a certain extent. It's very logical to assume that every person loves himself, wants the best for himself and would do the best to provide himself with a better life.

Now this kind of selfish thinking, which exists in varying degrees in humans, lets most of them focus on their own needs and benefits. A typical person would do the behaviour that would result in the most benefit to himself.

Based on that way of thinking that person can ignore you without actually meaning it. The problem here is that you believed that this person ignored you because you are worthless.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that when we expect things from others in order to prove something to ourselves we usually lose our self confidence when we don't get those things.

If for example you wanted people to treat you nicely in order to prove to yourself that you are a worthy person then if someone ignored you , without even meaning it, then you will feel valueless.

The problem here isn't with expecting good treatment but it's with believing that this good treatment defines your own worth.

Why some people respond with bad treatment

So what about people who respond to good treatment with bad one?
First of all you need to make sure that it's not a perception problem and that what's in your mind is actually taking place in the real world. From my experience i can safely tell you that perception problems are very common and that in many cases people imagine things in their heads only because they have some unhealed wounds from the past.

Next if you were 100% sure that this person is treating you badly then you need to examine their intention. Did that person really mean it? is it just his way? Is there an excuse?

In many cases you will find that people don't mean what they do but it's just the way they are. Finally if you made sure that someone is being mean then there is no need to keep that person close to you. Don't respond to bad treatment with bad treatment but just ignore that person and focus on the ones who truly value you.

The Solid confidence program was launched by; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

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