Why do we chase the ones who ignore us

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why them?

It's strange isn't it?
We chase the ones who ignore us and we ignore the ones who like us.

Why do we find people who dislike us more attractive?
Is there an explanation?

Fortunately there is. For psychology can answer that question.

They seem more valuable

Many of our unexplained behaviors have a lot to do with the way our brains work. We humans have brains that believe that whatever is scarce is valuable. Do you know why marketers use the limited time offer when they want to sell more?

It's because they know that humans get more motivated when they believe that whatever they are perusing is about to run out. In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i explained how we find the ones who dislike us more interesting as a result of believing that they are more worthy.

After all if someone is rejecting us then he must have many other options, right?
This is exactly how our brains think about it.

We want approval because we have insecurities

Any person on this planet has some insecurities. The reason we want approval badly as humans is that we want to make sure that people would accept us even though we have certain flaws that we feel insecure about.

This is why the first thing that comes to the mind of a person when he gets rejected are his insecurities. A short man for example will think about his height as soon as he gets rejected.

Because we want people to approve the things we dislike about ourselves we strive to get their approval. As soon as someone rejects us he confirms our fears about the things we dislike about ourselves, See why rejection hurts.

And because no one wants to have any flaws a person quickly chases the ones who rejected him in order to give himself another chance.

Back to the short man's example , and by the way being short isn't a bad thing but i am listing it as an example because some men think that being short is a big problem. That man will want to chase the people who rejected him in order to prove to himself that he can still be attractive even though he is short.

It's a challenge

Many people, especially the ones who have a challenging spirit, might want to chase the ones who reject them in order to win the challenge. Women do that a lot when they try to change players or narcissists but they usually fail.

But the important question all of those people need to ask themselves is: Does it help when we chase the ones who reject us or does it bring us more misery?

First of all our self esteem can be lost as a result of running after someone who is not caring and second of all getting rejected again can make matters worse.

There is a thin grey line between not wanting to lose and not acting rationally because you are feeling insecure. We all have insecurities but just don't let them control you.

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