Can a player be changed

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why women try to change players

Many women like challenges especially when they are related to relationships. It's very common for a woman to fall in love with a bad man just because she believes she can change him to the better.

In my previous article Why Good women fall for bad men i explained how the desire to gain more self esteem motivates many women to try to change players.

After all , according to their own logic, if they changed the player and made him commit only to them then this means that they would be very worthy.

No one disagrees with the fact that changing a player can make a woman feel much more confident but the important questions here is : Can players really change?

Can players really change?

In order to answer that question you need to get more understanding of the dynamics of behaviour. Why do you think people behave the way they do?

People behave in certain ways because they have very strong unconscious desires that are an integral part of their personalities. The person who shows off , for example, does it because at the core of his personality he needs to be at the center of attention to attain certain important goals.

In my article why are some people players i explained how feeling insecure, having self doubts or low self esteem can be among the reasons that motivate people to become players.

Now because those reasons are hard coded inside the minds of players changing them is only possible when:

  • 1) They desire change so badly: No person can ever change his behaviour unless he desires it badly else he won't have enough energy to go through the transition process (See also How to change people)
  • 2) Solid understanding of their psychological needs: A person can hardly change before he gets a solid understanding of his psychological needs. Simply put if a person didn't understand what need he is trying to fulfill through his behavior then he won't be able to provide himself with a substitute and change won't happen

So the conclusion here is simple. Changing a player is an extremely hard process because it requires the understanding and the full cooperation of the player which is something that is very less likely to happen.

Focus on yourself not the player

Ever asked yourself why you want to attract a player?
Is it to get a self esteem boost?
Is it to prove to yourself that you are worthy?

What about trying to work on your own confidence?
If your main goal was to get a self esteem boost then sooner or later you will lose interest in this relationship. After all if gaining more self esteem was the main relationship goal then the whole relationship might lose its meaning after the goal is achieved.

Of course in some cases changing the player might be your best option if you truly believed that this person is the best option for you however put in mind that an extreme amount of effort will be required.

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Want to know more?

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