How to become more confident

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How to become more confident

Everyday millions of people try to become more confident by acquiring fame, power, money and popularity but in the end most of them end up feeling the same.

Some of those people follow advice such as repeating affirmations, thinking positively or learning how to relax and in the end they find themselves feelings worse. (see do affirmations really work?)

Another group of people become arrogant as the result of feeling that they have so many resources that people aren’t paying any attention to. After all arrogance is just a defense mechanism that people who feel overlooked develop in order to preserve their ego.

The reason most people fail to become more confident is that they spend their lives trying to build self confidence the wrong way while in fact there is only one way to do it.

Building self confidence the wrong way

It is impossible to build self confidence based on fame, popularity, number of friends or the amount of money you collect. If a person believes that he is a failure then most probably he will not count any achievements he makes or he will attribute them to coincidence.

Just like a depressed person only sees negative events and overlooks positive ones, a person who has a false belief about himself discounts any achievements that might prove his false belief wrong.

If a guy who is not confident around women or believes that he is not attractive received a smile from a woman he will quickly attribute this smile to her politeness or kindness instead of attributing it to his good appearance.

In short, we never become confident when we acquire something because we are always in a state of comparing what we have to what we think we deserve. If someone believes that he can’t succeed then all the success he achieves will be discounted and he will still feel that he is a failure.

Building self Confidence the right way

Building self confidence is all about changing the beliefs you have about yourself , here is how to do it

  • Identify these beliefs: First of all you have to identify the beliefs that prevent you from becoming confident around people or in life. For example "I am boring", "I am not attractive" or "i am a failure"
  • Challenge the clues you have: most probably these beliefs didn’t come out of no where but through the clues you have been collecting over your life. But the question is, what is the validity of these clues? Did people tell you that you are boring or did you just misinterpret their smiles, face expressions or actions? And even if someone told you something like that, what proves that everyone sees you the same way? (see The complete guide to getting rid of false beliefs)
  • Learn how to interpret body language: As soon as you learn how to read body language you will discover that lots of people find you attractive. Why don’t you learn body language so that you don’t collect incorrect information then form false beliefs?
  • Build the skills needed: Suppose that you are really boring because you find nothing to say. Why don’t you learn how to talk, start conversations and discuss issues with people? What is preventing you from doing it? Is it fear? Is it shyness? Both can be treated and both has solutions. So even if one of your beliefs is true there is a solution.
  • Make the right achievements: lots of people believe that achieving goals increases self confidence and while this is true still not all achievements will help you become confident. In the Solid Self confidence program i explained how only the achievements that are related to building the skills that you lack can increase your self confidence.

Self confidence comes from within

You can’t become confident before you change the beliefs you have about your self and you won’t be able to change these beliefs before you convince yourself to believe in new ones.

Affirmations never work because your subconscious mind will require solid proofs before it can accept a new belief. Just as you collect false clues that solidifies the false beliefs you have you must learn how to stop collecting these clues and replace them with real ones that can help you become confident.

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