How to feel more confident about yourself

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How to feel more confident about yourself

Lots of people want to feel more confident about themselves around others but find themselves feeling inferior as soon as they encounter someone else. I get lots of emails from people who describe how others take them for granted, treat them in a bad way or make fun of them.

The shocking truth that lots of people don’t know is that we don’t feel that something is wrong about us because of the way others treat us but its our already existing false beliefs about ourselves that makes us feel bad when someone treats us that way.

In this article I will explain how you can feel more confident about yourself by learning how to alter your perception and your existing beliefs.

Self confidence and the distorted perception

When wearing a new shirt that looks good a person usually thinks that strangers who look at him like his shirt but in fact lots of people won’t even notice it because they simply don’t care.

On the other hand if you were in a rush and had to go down to the street without combing your hair you might think that everyone is thinking that you look odd while in fact most people won't notice any change unless you notify them.

So what does this has to do with self confidence?
Every single reaction people make is usually interpreted according to the beliefs you have about yourself. For example if you believed that you look like a geek then every smile, laugh or whisper will be interpreted as an attempt to make fun of you!!

On the other hand if you believed that you look good you will interpret every signal as an appraisal to your looks. The main idea behind feeling more self confident about yourself is understanding the fact that 90% of our perception is distorted and extremely biased towards the beliefs we have about ourselves.

Self confidence and the beliefs

The person who was looking at you yesterday wasn’t thinking that you are dumb and wasn’t even looking at you but because you believed that you look like a dumb person you thought that he was making fun of you.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that feeling confident around people requires nothing more than changing these beliefs you have about yourself. So where does these beliefs come from??

Here are the sources of the limiting beliefs we develop about ourselves:

  • Early childhood: Whether it’s the rude treatment by friends, the abusive treatment by parents or the lack of social skills at childhood it wont matter because in the end the result will be the formation of false beliefs about yourself that affects your self confidence later on. The question you should ask yourself is, should I let something that happened 10,20,30 or 40 years ago because of meeting rude people affect my whole life later on? (see Healing your inner child)
  • Previous failures: You might have tried before to approach someone, to make friends or to do something right but didn’t manage to do it. Did someone ever tell you that those super confident people you see everywhere have failed many times before they managed to do things the right way? The only difference between them and you is that they didn’t stop when they were rejected and just kept going forward while you acquired a false belief then stopped trying. (see I can't do it)
  • False evidence coming from incorrect perception : You might be thinking that you have hundreds of proofs that support the belief that you are unattractive, incompetent or unworthy but have you ever asked yourself whether these clues are correct or whether they were just the result of a distorted perception?

Becoming more self confident requires that you understand that your past should never affect your present or future.

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