How to forgive your parents

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Forgiving people

Suppose that the world's boxing champion gave you a punch without a reason, is it going to be easy to forgive him?? No its not going to be easy as forgiveness can never happen while you are in the weak side.

You might wonder why do you sometimes do your best to forgive people yet find yourself failing to do it, its because forgiveness can’t happen unless you become in a position of power.

How to Forgive your parents

When it comes to your parents, forgiveness can be harder than with other people because your feeling of lack of control and helplessness that results from seeing them as authority figures will always keep you on the weak side. Being on the weak side and the feelings of helplessness hinders forgiveness and can even make it impossible.

The first step to forgive your parents is to become more powerful by removing the effect of the bad things that they have done to you. For example, if your parents were never there for you and if they have never taken care of you then you should take care of yourself by preventing this lack of attention from making you in need of anything.

If you are suffering because they were abusive to you then never abuse yourself by being judgmental or overly critical to yourself. Removing the effect of the bad things they have done to you will make forgiveness easier since it will make you more in control.

People sometimes hate their parents because of the consequences of the bad things that they did to them, so if the bad consequences were removed the reason for hatred might disappear with them. If for example you hated them because they never gave you money to buy what you need then being financially independent will ease this hatred and will help you forgive them.

Understand their true feelings

An abusive parent is nothing but someone who was abused as a child, if your parent is always shouting at you then know that this is how his parents brought him up. He might not even know how to treat you well since this is the way of treatment he was programmed with when he was a child.

Try to look at the underlying reasons behind your parent's actions instead of looking at the harm these actions caused you; this will help you forgive them faster.

Never suppress your emotions

Talk to them assertively but politely, explain to them your deepest feelings in detail and don’t suppress your emotions. If you never spoke to them you will be helping that small wound you have to grow bigger and bigger until you will end up hating them from the bottom of your heart.

Speaking to your friends and talking about the things that bothers you will definitely help but this should not prevent you from talking to your parents directly as this step can’t be replaced by any other one.

Final words about forgiveness

You can’t forgive someone while you are weak or while you are still suffering from the effect of the bad things he has done to you and even if it’s possible to forgive him its going to be very hard. Heal your wounds, get rid of the bad consequences, become more powerful and forgiveness will become much easier.

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