How to tell someone you are not interested in them

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why it's wrong to stay close to those people

Sometimes we find ourselves in an embarrassing situation where a person we aren't interested in constantly chases us. In such a case we might experience a mixture of guilt and annoyance as this person persistently keeps trying to initiate contact or get close to us.

Many people don't know what to do in such a situation then end up messing things up by doing one strong action all of a sudden. There is a very common mistake that so many people do which is keeping the ones who like them close even if they aren't interested in them.

People do that for various reasons which include wanting to feel loved, feeling bad for the person who likes them or keeping their options open.

The problem with all of those reasons is that they always lead to bad endings. Either you will have to push that person away all of a sudden in an aggressive way or either you will get attached to someone that you don't really like only to breakup later. See also should you be friends with your ex.

In a previous article i said that we tend to like the people we see often. This is why it's very dangerous to stay around a person who likes you if you don't like them back.

How to tell someone you are not interested in them

There are many things you can do to tell a person you are not interested in them in a polite way. Many people are smart enough to realize that you are sending signs that show lack of interest and so in most cases the person will back off on his own if you did those things.

The first thing you need to do is to stop appearing around that person if possible. If you can avoid the places this person goes to ,at least for some time, that would send them a signal that you are not interested.

Next don't ever initiate any kind of contact. Many people turn to the ones who like them when they feel down in order to feel worthy or get a self esteem boost. This behaviour sends the wrong signal to the person and motivates them to pursue you even more.

If that person contacted you , which is very likely to happen, then be nice and distant. Be nice that he doesn't think that you are a snob but also reply with short answers.

Don't reply right away because this also might signal interest. One of the best things you do can is to reply an hour later or even a day later. By that time most people will realize that you are not really interested in them.

What to do with pushy people

Sometimes a person can be so pushy. Some people might try to call you more than once or even bump into you by coincidence. In such a case you have not to answer the calls and you have to always seem in a hurry when you meet the person.

If the person tried to extent the conversation you should tell them nicely that you have to leave. If you did that more than once you will be sending a clear sign of lack of interest. See how chatting can show that you are interested.

If everything else failed you can start being less nice gradually until the person gets the message. You could for example remove the smiles you used to send during chatting , you could reply many days later or you could ignore their messages all together.

What about telling a person directly?

If that person never told you directly that they liked you then telling them you don't like them back is a big mistake. The first thing a person will do when you tell them that you are not interested is that they will say that they were never interested and that it was just in your head.

Also telling a person directly that you don't like them might hurt their feelings and result in bad emotions such as guilt. The best thing to do is to let those people lose hope on their own by sending some of the signals described above.

Do you want to make sure whether someone likes you or not?
The book How to know if someone likes you in 30 minutes was released by 2knowmyself. The book is based on attraction psychology, scientific research,body language,NLP and real case studies. It will help you spot those who like you on the first meeting if not in the first 5 minutes.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it's a boring online encyclopedia but it's a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

Want to know more?

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Why do we sometimes lose interest in people we used to like

Why your ex liked someone uglier than you

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