Why do people become what they hate

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I hate that

Have you ever met a person who claimed that he hated a certain behaviour only to find out that he ended up doing it?
Have you ever hated something yourself then found yourself doing it later on?

Why do people become what the hate?
And how can that make sense?

According to one theory a person can hate a certain behaviour or personality trait because it reminds him of himself. In such a case that person might try to judge others and label them because they do the behavior that he personally does.

An envious person for example can keep complaining about how others envy him while in fact he could be envying others all the time.

By hating a behaviour and the people who do it some people manage to convince themselves that they never do that behaviour even if they do it often. It's like a self deception trick to deceive the subconscious mind and to reassure it that such a behaviour can never be adopted by oneself. See Do we judge others fairly

Double standards

Humans are selfish beings by nature. This doesn't mean that all humans are extremely selfish but it just means that most humans love themselves and prefer themselves over others at least to a certain extent.

As a result of that human nature many people develop double standards when dealing with others. Those people hate to be treated in a certain way but in the same time they might be treating others using that way. See why do people have double standards.

The problem with the subconscious mind is that it can be anything but rational. Those people might get very annoyed when someone does something bad to them but they might not even notice it when they do the same thing to others. In fact those people can even defend themselves strongly and claim that the situation was very different and as a result they had to do that behaviour. See Why the subconscious mind is like a child

Ego issues

When a person develops a big ego or becomes a narcissist he might have an unconscious belief that he is above the law. In such a case that person might treat others badly but expect a decent level of treatment from them.

That person's Ego will usually prevent him from admitting that he should be fair to others simply because he would hardly admit that he makes mistakes.

The strength of those desires vary from one person to another but when they become intense they can let a person become what he hates.

Self punishment

In some cases a person can become what he hates in order to punish himself. Of course this process doesn't happen consciously but the subconscious mind usually creates such a plan and follows it. See how to stop self harm.

Under the pressure of extreme feelings of guilt or shame a person can search for a certain way to punish himself with and one of the options available is becoming what he used to hate.

He was overpowered by certain forces

Some people judge others for doing certain mistakes without realizing what those people are going through. Later on when those people face similar situations they might fail to provide an adequate amount of self control and as a result they might end up doing the things they blamed others for doing.

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