Why do people disappear in relationships

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

He suddenly disappeared

I can't really remember how many times i was told that story for i heard it so many times. Two people get into a relationship, some problems happen but they manage to keep the relationship going then one day someone disappears completely and never comes back or comes back weeks later.

Men are usually more likely to disappear than women. Some people return back after disappearing for sometime while some others don't come back at all.

Let me first make it clear that when using the word 'disappearing' i am not talking to short periods of time where a person decides to spend sometime alone. It's totally normal for a man to want to be on his own for few days but what's not normal is that a person disappears for weeks or even months without even sending a message.

The problem with disappearing partners is that it can sometimes hinder recovery. A person might want to recover but still fail because of not knowing whether their partner left them or not. See Why closing a relationship the right way is very important for recovery.

Why do people disappear in relationships

Why would a person suddenly disappear?
There are so many explanations but all of them are negative. Here are the most common ones:

  • 1) A person might disappear because he wants to breakup but has very little courage to do it: So many people decide to stop contacting their old partners because they can't really confront them. In such a case the person who disappeared never comes back. See 10 ways to get over breakups fast
  • 2) A person can disappear because he doesn't care much : People who care can sometimes disappear but they usually don't care that much. Those who don't really mind losing their partners can go on disappearing for weeks then return back later. This is usually a very powerful sign that this person isn't that interested. See also why some men pull away in early stages
  • 3) The person is confused: People who are confused can disappear for sometime to reconsider the relationship. It's always a good idea to breakup with such people because a person who really wants you will hardly get confused. Even if that person decided to continue a part of him wouldn't be fully convinced that he is in the right relationship
  • 4) The person is cheating: I have heard about cases where the person who disappeared was actually cheating and that's why he didn't want to be seen. The cheater might or might not return back but in all cases he is a cheater. See Why you always attract cheaters

People who disappear don't really care

To be honest i have to say that some of the people who disappear do care but they usually don't care that much. One of the most popular reasons breakups happen is building a relationship on weak foundations.

If a person doesn't really care much about you that they disappear for weeks or months then sooner or later a breakup might happen.

Of course the person might have a very serious excuse but still you should ask yourself how much time does it take to send a text message even after one week of disappearing?

Many people buy the excuses said to them by the ones who disappear because deep inside they don't want to feel rejected. But if you want to do the right thing then you should breakup for that person doesn't really care.

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