Why cheating hurts so much

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Cheating is really bad

You already know that.
But i have to say it so that you don't get this article wrong.
I strongly believe that cheating is a real bad thing and that the decision to continue with someone who cheated on you can be very hard.

In this article i won't discuss cheating itself but i will rather explain why it hurts you so much so that you 1- can become more emotionally strong and 2- prevent any cheating incident that happened to you from having any long term impact on your self esteem.

Why cheating hurts so much?

In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i said that We fall in love with people because we have certain psychological needs. Those needs are usually crucial for our well being and psychological stability.

The moment someone cheats on us we unconsciously consider ending the relationship and this is why we feel that many of our basic needs are threatened.

That's not the only reason cheating hurts us. As soon as a person is cheated on he usually thinks of his own insecurities right away. In my previous article Why some cheaters never change i explained how we tend to believe that we got cheated on because we had certain flaws.

If a man for example hated the fact that he is short then got cheated on then the first thing he will think of is his height. In other words we blame our own insecurities when someone cheats on us.

The need for acceptance

One of the main reasons people get into relationships is that they want acceptance. For many people acceptance can be one of the needs i talked about above.

People don't just want to be accepted but they want others to accept their flaws and specifically the things they dislike about themselves the most. A woman who doesn't like her looks might fall for a man because he accepted her looks. Of course there might be so many other reasons in her love map but one of them might be the need to be accepted.

Now when that woman gets cheated on the first thing she will think of is her looks for she will believe that her man cheated on her because she doesn't look good.

This is why this woman will feel so bad when she gets cheated on. It's just the fact that cheating touched his already existing wound, See why your world revolves around your psychological wounds.

Why some people don't get that affected by cheating

Of course cheating hurts everybody but with different extents.
In the Solid Self confidence program i said that rejection hurts less when we have more confidence.

The more a person is OK with his own insecurities or the less insecurities he has the more he will be resistant to rejection. And because cheating can be considered one form of rejection generally people who have a higher self esteem get less affected by cheating.

Yes those people will still feel bad but they won't feel as bad as someone who believes he got cheated on because he is not smart or attractive.

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Want to know more?

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