Why some cheaters never change

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Well, sometimes.
First of all let me tell you that there are no general rules for dealing with human behaviour because 1- people are too complex and 2- because each person has his own drives.

Yes some cheaters can hardly change and the reason behind that is that their intentions never change.
When a cheater cheats and gets discovered he usually feels bad and can sometimes experience a great amount of guilt.

The problem with guilt is that it slowly fades away as the days pass. In other words, when a person depends on guilt alone to quit a bad habit such as serial cheating then usually he won't be ale to stop the habit.

So why it's so hard for some cheaters to change?

In my previous article Why do people cheat i explained how the different intentions people have can motivate them to cheat.

For example a man can cheat on his wife because he unconsciously wants to take revenge against her. In such a case no matter how that cheater cries or promises he will change sooner or later his unconscious goal will motivate him to cheat once again.

Some cheaters are like players. They cheat in order to gain more self esteem and to feel worthy. See can a player really change. Now if those cheaters never understood that they are after a self esteem boost then no matter how hard they will try to change they will still feel like cheating.

In other words one of the main reasons many cheaters remain the way they are is that they never really tackle the problem that led to cheating in the first place. Guilt, regret and a promise to change are all good things but they are never enough for cheater to change his behaviour, See also why do men cheat.

How to know if a cheater will change

If the cheater became fully aware of the reasons that led him to cheat and if he acknowledged them then there is a great hope for him to change. However usually both partners aren't even aware of those subconscious goals and that's why they fail to reach a soloution.

The first thing a person who got cheated on thinks of is his own insecurities and this can prevent him from seeing the real intentions of the cheater. For example if a woman , who didn't like something about her looks, got cheated on then she might believe that her man cheated because she is not that pretty.

Because that woman thought of her insecurities she failed to see the real intentions of her cheating husband and so she failed to help him change.

Yes cheaters can change but for that to happen a solid understanding of their personality and psychological motives must be obtained. Once those motivates are understood they need to be made crystal clear to the person who cheated.

If that person is serious about changing then he will acknowledge them and try to change them. If he wasn't serious or if he refused to accept those facts then changing would be impossible.

This is why some cheaters never change.

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