How to trust someone who cheated on you

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why i wrote this article

No i am not asking you to do so. Cheating is a bad thing and the decision to be with someone after he cheated on you is totally up to you.

However i got an email from one of the readers who told me that she was cheated on and that her husband promised her to change. She asked me for tips so that she can trust him again and so i decided to write that article after i believed that many other people might also have that question in mind, See also should you break up with someone who cheated on you.

In short, if you want to give your partner another chance then this article will explain to you , from a psychological point of view, how to do it.

How trust works?

Some people mistakenly believe that trust happens once you take a decision to trust someone but this is not correct. When you decide to trust someone, who previously cheated on you, your subconscious mind will still have many doubts, See how to trust people again.

Some people can easily get over past wounds while some others keep remembering them for longer periods of time. As the wound remains you might suspect the behaviour of your partner and question his intentions. See why your world revolves around your psychological wounds

But as the time passes and nothing bad happens your subconscious mind will slowly start to believe that your partner has changed. The time needed for that new level of trust to be achieved differs from a person to another, See why some people are most sensitive than others.

What does this mean?

The extent with which your subconscious mind will trust your partner when he promises to change depends greatly on your past history and how honest he sounded. If your partner sounded really convincing then you might take a shorter period of time to start believing in him again.

In an ideal case this might happen in few days but usually it takes longer. As the time passes with no more causalities this trust will increase until you might reach the point where your trust towards that person is as high as it was earlier before he cheated.

What if your partner was a serial cheater?

In my previous article Why some cheaters never change i explained how caution should be taken with serial cheaters for if the root cause of cheating wasn't dealt with then the problem might not be solved that easily.

If it's not the first time your partner cheats on you then you need to stop and examine his intentions to find out whether there is hope or whether breaking up is the right thing to do.

If your partner was cheating on you because he wanted to be with someone else for example then certainly breaking up is the right thing.

If however your partner was constantly cheating because he wanted more self esteem then you can guide him, if you still care, until he builds self esteem and quits cheating. In short, determining the intentions behind cheating is crucial for knowing whether you should continue or not.

Do you want to talk to me directly? In the improved coaching service you can reach me on Whats-app anytime and get voice message replies from me whenever you are stuck.

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