Why marriage should not be a goal

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The problem with making marriage a goal

Marriage is a great thing when it comes naturally but when a person actively seeks marriage as a goal many problems can happen that can lead to the failure of this marriage or even unhappiness in life.

There is a great difference between wanting to get married and considering marriage an important goal. In the first case a person will wait for the right chance then get married while in the second case the person might try to expedite the process or even get married to the first available person.

The first thing that usually happens when marriage becomes a goal is that a person sacrifices many of his needs just to get married. In other words the person doesn't consider looking for the perfect match as much as he considers his desire to get married as fast as he can.

I have said earlier that one of the most popular reasons for relationship dissatisfaction and divorce is choosing a person you don't like much. Now when marriage becomes a goal so many people choose the wrong partners just to achieve their goal fast and as a result they become unhappy. See Why divorce rate is going up

What's after achieving the goal?

The second serious problem that happens as a result of this way of thinking is that so many people ,who think that way, feel lost after getting married. After all the person's main goal was getting married and now that the goal was achieved the person finds nothing important to do.

In such a case life becomes meaningless to that person. He might start to blame the relationship for those feelings then even believe that the soloution is getting into another relationship. In such a case that person might refer to the movies he saw where ultimate happiness came right after finding a relationship. As you can see this problem is very complicated because the person is sad and doesn't have any clue about the reason behind their sadness. See Why love is not like in the movies.

This way of thinking is also one reason why many women let themselves go after marriage. After all because marriage was their ultimate goal they lost their motivation to keep looking good after achieving that goal.

The pressure of time

When getting married becomes a person's ultimate goal that person feels pressured to achieve that goal as he ages. With each year passing that person gets more and more frustrated and his desire to achieve that goal becomes stronger.

Now under the pressure of that force that person can get into a relationship with the first available person even if the relationship was totally unsatisfying or destructive. See 7 Questions to ask yourself before getting married

So as you can see when something as good as marriage becomes a goal so many things that can go wrong and can actually lead to the failure of this marriage.

So what's the soloution to all of these problems?
Focus on finding the right person not on getting married and when you find that right person then know that it's the right time to get married.

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