How let go and move on with your life

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Life is full of disappointments

Some positive thinking schools try to fool people into believing that life is rosy and while these positive thoughts can help the followers of these schools feel better for a short while soon those people find themselves facing great disappointments because of the incorrect understanding they had of life.

Life has ups and downs, all rational people know that, And as a result you might find yourself one day losing something that you badly wanted. This thing you lost could be a lover, a job or a certain opportunity you really wanted.

Because anyone of us can face any of these situations anytime it would be very handy to learn how to get over these disappointments and move on with your life.

how let go and move on with your life

Before i tell you how to move on i have to first tell you why so many people fail to let go. People fail to let go of the things they lost because they are so attached to the past.

I know it still sounds mysterious and that you are asking yourself the question, why do people stay attached to their past if its better for them to move on?

The simple answer is: There is a problem with their current belief system!
Lets suppose that a person wanted a job badly but got rejected when he applied for it.

Lets also assume that in the city he lived in there were 10 similar companies that could provide similar jobs.

Does it make any sense that this person remains down after being rejected?

No it doesn't but the main reason he kept feeling bad is that his belief system didn't include a belief such as: Its possible to find a replacement because there are 10 other similar companies in the city.

So mainly when your belief system lets you believe that you lost something that can't be replaced you will fail to move on.

How to change your belief system and see reality

Why do you think the person in the previous example believed that there is no replacement for the job he lost?

Simply because he lacked knowledge about the other companies present in his city. If another person, who is aware of the other companies that exist in the city, got rejected he will find it much easier to move on.

Many people mistakenly ask others to move on and forget about the things they lost not knowing how badly those people needed the things they lost.

We want certain things in life because of our psychological makeup and unmet needs and that's why the "forget about it and move on" advice makes no sense. (see also Why do we get attached to certain things)

The right way to let go

The only soloution to this problem is to find a better replacement and move on. Before you can find a emplacement you need to find out the psychological need that made you attached to that thing you lost. (see also Why are some people needy)

If for example your financial insecurity was behind your attachment to this high paying job you lost then you can easily find another way to satisfy this important need.

Here are few examples that demonstrate how you can apply that soloution:

  • 1) Lost a job: Find out the psychological need that job would have helped you satisfy .This need could be social, financial or even psychological. Once you find this need work on educating yourself about the other possible alternatives that can help you satisfy it. (see also The difference between needing someone and wanting someone)
  • 2) Someone dumped you: In my book How to make lonesome fall in love with you i said that we fall in love with certain people because they can help us satisfy certain important psychological needs. Again by understanding these needs perfectly you will come to realize that possible replacements to the person you lost can be found

There is no way you can forget about your psychological needs or ignore them but thanks God there are always alternatives that can help you meet those needs in different ways.

The people who think that they lost something that can't be replaced are the ones who didn't quite get why they were attached to that thing in the first place.

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