The difference between needing someone and wanting him

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The difference between needing someone and wanting him

I always get mails from people telling me that they want to breakup with someone but they cant do it because they need him.

In fact, there is a very big difference between needing someone and wanting someone.
While love might seem to be based on needs still there is a big difference between the two words.

Lets suppose that you were injured and that you had to use crutches to move. In such a case, can you say that you love the crutches or that you want them? Of course not, you only need them because you are injured and the same exactly happens with love!

Sometimes we believe that we love someone and that we want him so badly while in fact we just need him because there is something wrong with ourselves! In this article i will tell you about the difference between needing someone and wanting someone so that you use this information to recover faster from breakups.

The difference between love(wanting someone) and need

The difference between wanting and needing someone will become clear in the following example:

Lets suppose that a girl was raised by two distant parents who never gave her care or attention, when this girl grows up she will become in need of love and she might fall for the first person who makes her feel important! (see 3 Reasons you need love so much)

In such a case she didn't want the person but she needed him and that's why she fell in love with him.

If you found an interesting person who matches the criteria you wish to find in a future partner you might fall in love with him (see Love psychology) But if you were broken, feeling down,feeling lonely or was in a desperate need to feel appreciated or loved then you might go for the wrong person just to satisfy this need even if you don't really want him!!

Loving someone, wanting someone and needing someone

When you fall in love to escape from your problems, to feel better, to reduce bad moods or to feel good about yourself then know that you need the relationship instead of wanting it.

If you were left in the desert with no food you might be in real need of a snake to eat but does this mean that you want snakes or that you love them?

You only needed snakes because you were in a bad situation but as soon as you get out of that situation you will never want to see a snake again!!

Some people fall in love with snakes because they have psychological and emotional wounds that they want to satisfy! (see Why do we fall in love)

The difference between wanting someone and needing someone can ruin your life

So why did i bother to write such an article?
In fact knowing the difference between wanting someone and needing someone can save you a lot of trouble because:

  • Relationships that are based on needs aren't healthy: Back to the snake example. You were going to eat it even if it wasn't good for you and the same goes for relationships. In my book How to get over anyone in few days i said that out of need some people get into bad relationships that doesn't really suit them and then end up with a breakup
  • Love ends when the need disappears: As soon as the need disappears love will end because the relationship was solely based on that need. If for example you got into a relationship just because you were feeling lonely then as soon as your social life becomes good you will find yourself not in need anymore of the relationship!
  • The Difference between need and love: I am not saying that you could love someone without needing him. In fact all relationships have varying degrees of needs supporting them however the higher the percentage of these need in the relationship the less likely it is to be a healthy one

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it's a boring online encyclopedia but it's a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book "How to get over someone in few days" was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.

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