How to get along with new people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Afraid to socialize

Many people , even those who can be considered social, remain silent as soon as they encounter new people just because they are afraid to talk.

Thoughts such as "they wont find me interesting" , "They wont think i am funny" and many other ones come to the minds of those people and prevent them from socializing.

The one thing those scared people didn't notice is that at the same moment they were thinking about being judged the other ones they were afraid off were also obsessed with their own flaws.

No matter how confident a person is he might not be able to prevent himself from thinking of his flaws in a social gathering and by knowing this fact you can rest assured that the braver is the one who will approach others and not the one who will show lack of interest. (see The right way to approach people)

How to get along with new people?

Now the important question is, How to get along with new people? What should you say?
Here are the most important things you should do:

  • 1) Don't start talking in the wrong timing: Don't approach a person while he is talking to another, giving you his back or busy doing something but instead pick up the bored and the anxious ones who fidget more often, who tap their legs or hands or who play with certain objects pointlessly. Those are the easiest targets around and once you get along with them you will gain more ground and become more able to socialize with others (see also How to understand body language better)
  • 2) The most interesting topic depends on the situation: Many people wonder what's the most interesting topic they should open and here is the quick answer, the most interesting topic is the one that is related to the situation you are both in. For example if you are in a Gym then discussing what your target is doing might be the best conversation starter (see also How to start a conversation with anyone)
  • 3) Get Familiar with the environment first: If you are the new one in a college,a school or any other place then it might be better to take the first day or two to become familiar with the environment. In the Solid Self confidence program i said that People feel less confident when they become unsure what to do but once they know their routes well they become much more confident. That's why the 2 days you are going to spend to get familiar with the environment will give you a self confidence boost. Don't spend more than two days doing that else you might risk isolating yourself
  • 4) Approach individuals and not groups: If you have the chance to choose between approaching individuals or approaching groups then go for individuals. The larger the number of people you are approaching the more likely you might come across a mean or an unfriendly person. On the other hand those who seem to be alone are usually more open to new friendships (see also How to identify haters and mean people)
  • 5) Don't expose your flaws: Some people make that big mistake with a good intention. They assume that all people are angels and as a result they expose their flaws, make fun of themselves (sometimes) or say too much irrelevant information. While certainly there are lots of good people out there still there are also mean ones, bullies and psychologically unstable people. Those people will try to make fun of you or embarrass you as soon as they get the chance. Just don't give them the chance to do so.

Bonus tip

Learn how to read body language and you will be able to know exactly when you should approach a person and when you shouldn't. Body language will allow you to read the current emotional state of a person and as a result help you make the correct decisions.

This link will help you understand body language perfectly. Good luck socializing.

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