How to get over the desire for revenge

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why the let it go advise is nonsense

The biggest mistake people who give advise to others do is assuming that the person who receives the advise has some kind of a push button that he can use to numb his emotions.

The desire for revenge doesn't become intense unless the subconscious mind of a person believes that revenge is the best way to get his rights back. Now when you tell that person to just let it go it wont just sound ridiculous but it will also make him feel worse.

Revenge is just like any other psychological need, you can't just numb it or act as if it doesn't exist. The only healthy way to get over an unhealthy psychological need is to find another way to satisfy that same need.

Lets suppose that you were thirsty and that a bottle of poisoned water was just beside you. In such a case will it make any sense to convince yourself that you are not thirsty?

Of course this soloution is anything but rational and the rational soloution in such a case is finding something good to drink. The same exactly goes for the desire for revenge, unless you find a way to calm your inner feelings down the problem won't be solved.

how to get over the desire for revenge

Its extremely hard to forgive someone if you weren't sure of your ability to take your rights back. Lets suppose that some people bullied you by throwing your stuff on the ground. In such a case if you weren't sure that you can beat those guys you might find it very hard to forgive them.

In other words, forgiveness becomes much easier when you believe that you are more powerful than those who harmed you. That's why in the previous case you might not be able to forgive those people before you become good at martial arts.

Long ago when i was just trying to start a business i found it extremely hard to forgive those who used to say that i wont make it. The reason this was hard is that my mind wasn't sure whether i will really make it or not. Later on when i succeeded online i just found no hard feelings against those people especially the ones who knew that i became successful. (see my book How i did it)

Yesterday a man who was driving a very old car tried to tease me with his car's horn just to force me to race with him. Had i been driving an average car i might have started racing with him but because i knew that my car is way powerful than his car i just ignored him. (see How to buy his dream car)

In summary, you can always forgive people easily when you feel that you are in a position of power.

Practical advice for forgiving others

Now that you know that the "just let it go" advice is nonsense its time to learn how to forgive others in a better way.

Work on collecting more powerful in that life area that concerns you and you will find it very easy to forgive others. If someone told you that you will never become successful then instead of wasting your energy on seeking revenge just use that energy to succeed in life.

If someone rejected you then instead of trying to make him pay for it just do your best to become a better person and to show him that he has lost a treasure. Imaged being dumped by someone then right after that you became more social, popular and successful, how will that person feel?

The desire to revenge is an intense energy, if you can't just get rid of it then you need to channel it somewhere else. The desire for revenge can give you the energy you need to reach your goals in life without harming anyone.

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