How to coach people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How to coach people

How many times you found a relative or a close person feeling bad and yet you didn't manage to help him?
How many times you wanted to make a friend feel better but didn't know how to do it?
How many times you wished you knew how to coach people in order to help them live better lives?

Certainly each and everyone of us found himself in such situations one day and that's why i decided to write this post to help you understand how to coach people the right way so you can improve their lives.

How to coach people the right way

While there is no general formula for coaching people still there are certain guidelines that if you followed you will be able to coach people perfectly.

Here is how to coach people the right way:

  • Don't always believe them: Sounds weird huh? How come you shouldn't believe the person you want to coach? In my article Personal frame of reference i explained how each person sees a different reality based on his own beliefs. If a friend told you that everyone hates him then his perception might be a reflection of his false beliefs instead of being the truth. That's why you should never believe the reality of the people you coach before you make sure first that they are not making biased interpretations of the situations they go through (which is usually the case)
  • Don't prove them right: In many cases people will ask for coaching because they want to prove to themselves that they are stuck!! I get many mails from people who ask for help while their main intention is to prove to themselves that i cannot help them too. A person usually does so to further reinforce the false beliefs he has about life and to escape from responsibility. After all if no one can help him then he is really stuck. When coaching people make sure you spot these attempts and to never prove those people right
  • open their eyes to self deception: In most cases where people need coaching they use self deception in order to escape from facing the problems they are suffering from. For example a person might tell you that he could have been successful only if he could wake up early while in fact his mind prevents him from waking up early because he is afraid to test his skills! In order to coach people properly you need to be able to spot these self deception attempts
  • Show them reality: This is the part that usually results in tremendous improvement if done correctly. While coaching a person you should show him the real reality instead of the one he currently sees. Someone once told me that life is unfair and that's the reason he can't succeed. I told him you are right, on the short term life is unfair because its so hard to control the outcome of short term events however you can make life fair to you on the long term by long term planning. If a good author got rejected then he can either claim that life is unfair or he could keep submitting his work until someone accepts it and thus make life fair to him. (see inspirational stories of successful people)
  • Show him the way first then motivate him: When coaching others many people do the mistake of trying to motivate them without first showing them the way. I said before that indifference results from not trusting the current available solutions for your problems. If you are coaching an indifferent person then before motivating him you need to let him trust the solution he is going to implement (see also Motivation and needs)

Coaching people and coaching yourself

The good news is that while coaching others you will be coaching yourself. Your mind can be programmed by repetition especially if you were repeating statements that you believe in.

The more you coach others, motivate them or encourage them the more you will be coaching and encouraging yourself as well. (see Subconscious mind programming)

How to coach people with specific problems

Certainly coaching a person who is depressed is going to be different then coaching a person who lacks self confidence.

That's why one of the most important elements you need when coaching people is knowledge. For example if a friend of yours told you that he is depressed then you must first read about depression before you attempt to coach him.

Not only you will be able to coach him in a better way but you will be equipping yourself with knowledge that can help you if you ever faced the same problem.

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