How Love Addiction Leads to Break-ups

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Love or Need?

Suppose that you broke your leg in in an accident and had to use crutches in order to move around. As the days pass you'll find yourself getting more and more used to them and because of your injury you certainly won't be able to walk without them.

Now imagine how you'd feel if upon waking up one day you couldn't find your crutches. You will certainly feel irritated and maybe a little angry.

You will probably ask everyone in the house to help you find them and you won’t be able to move until you find them again.

Now the question is, do you love your crutches? Of course not, you just need them until you recover. The same goes for relationship dependency: where you think that you love a person while the truth is that you just need him because of your emotional wounds.

Relationship Dependency

I have covered relationship dependency in depth in this article so i will just give a brief overview of it. Relationship dependency is the case where someone gets involved in a relationship just because he is in need of a partner and not because he truly loves that person.

What's really bad is that most of the relationships people go for are a result of pure dependency and not real love and That’s why many of them end with break-ups.

Back to the previous example of the crutches. What do you think you will do when your legs heal and become able to move around normally again? You'll just put your crutches away somewhere and never think about them anymore.

The same goes for a relationship that was based on such a need. When you fall in love with someone in order to escape from a bad mood that you are experiencing or because of an unsolved problem then you'll most probably find that you no longer need that partner as soon this bad mood goes away.

Here is another example to elaborate this concept further. if someone lacks self-confidence he will certainly be eager to start a relationship in order to feel accepted.

Lets suppose that this guy met a girl and fell in love with her(or at least he thought that he truly loved her). What will happen if that person started learning about personal development and then succeeded in building his self-confidence? He'll most probably find that he no longer needs other people's acceptance in order to feel good about himself and so this relationship will end with a break-up!!!

Being dependent on the relationship for fixing your mood and for feeling good can also hinder recovery from breakups. In my book How to get over anyone in few days i described how relationship addiction can be the main reason people fail to recover fast after breakups. If the person was dependent on the relationship to feel good then he may not recover before he finds another thing that makes him feel good.

Beware of the Person You Fall in Love with in Troubled Times

When we face a lot of problems our need for someone to help us out and to take care of us become much bigger and that’s why most relationships that start at times like these are just a result of dependency and not real love. That’s why some of them may end with break-ups.

When you experience a time where you feel bad or disappointed then be aware that you are more vulnerable to falling in love with someone that you don’t really love. Just knowing this fact is enough to help you control your emotions until you get over your problems.

How to Pick a Partner

If I told you that you have full control in choosing your future life partner I would be fooling you because there are some emotional factors that you might not be able to control.

So instead of giving you rigid steps to follow I am just going to give you some guidelines that you should follow in order to increase your chance of a having a successful relationship that is based on true love and not on pure need:

  • Beware of the difference between love and need: Take special care not to fall in love with someone because you are feeling vulnerable or in need of help. It'd be far better to only get into relationships when you are feeling fine in order to make sure that you really love the person
  • Have a vision: If the guy who lacked self confidence in the previous example knew for sure that he is going to develop self-confidence sometime in the future he would've guessed that his relation will terminate sooner or later. So when you pick a partner make sure to pick someone who can sustain the personal changes you are going to undergo in the future.
  • Know more about relationship dependency: Understand the difference between love and relationship dependency. This is the only way you can avoid falling in the trap of loving someone just because you need him.

2knowmyself has recently released the book "How to make someone fall in love with you", a book that will increase your chance of making someone fall in love with you by at least ten folds.

Want to know more?

Yes, how do I know if it's real love or just dependency?

Tell me about the psychology of falling in love.

No, I am sure that he is the one.

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