Understanding jealousy in men and women

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why was she jealous?

Sarah hangs out with the same friends each week. On the last outing something unexpected happened, Sarah found a new girl, who was more attractive than her, coming along with one of their friends.

Its quite common for a woman to feel jealous of a more attractive woman but when this jealousy forces her to over react then something else might be going on in her mind.

Sarah didn't feel comfortable and decided to leave few minutes after she arrived leaving everyone behind confused. Had it been for jealousy alone she would have felt a little uncomfortable but she wouldn't have decided to leave. Its obvious that something else was going on inside Sarah's mind.

When you get to know more information about Sarah things will become clearer. Sarah had another sister called Hazel who is much more attractive than her. Since her early years saran noticed that Hazel got more attention from family and friends because of her physical attractiveness advantage.

Because this event kept happening over and over Sarah developed a wound and became very sensitive to similar situations. Whenever she found herself not in the center of attention she unconsciously recalled her initial wound and felt really bad.

Now when that attractive girl showed up on their last meeting she reminded Sarah of her untreated wound and that's why the latter over reacted.

Understanding jealousy in men and women

Jealousy happens when a person feels insecure as a result of finding himself competing with a person whom he can't defeat. In many cases this competition is non existent except in the mind of the jealous person. (see also Why do people become jealous)

While its normal for people to feel jealous in such situations some people have certain wounds that force them to experience more intense feelings of jealousy.

The guy who always felt that his little brother was favored over him because he was smarter will always feel jealous of smart and successful people.

Such wounds aren't only formed in family interactions but they can also develop as a result of an intense negative experience. If a woman loved a man so much then he left her for another woman then most probably she will feel jealous of all other women in an exaggerated way.

In other words this woman would feel more jealous of other women than if she didn't have that wound. So to summarize it all jealousy can't happen unless there is a persevered competition and the past experiences of a person determine whom he believes he is competing with. (see also Jealousy between siblings)

How to get over jealousy?

The jealous person believes that the one he is competing with is more resoursful than him. In the Solid Self confidence program i said that increasing your self esteem is one of the most powerful ways to combat jealousy.

If you started thinking highly of yourself you will believe that you can win the competition you are facing and in such a case you will feel less jealous of others.

The biggest challenge you might face while dealing with jealousy is admitting that you are jealous. Many people find it unpleasant to admit that they are jealous of someone else even when thinking of the matter on their own.

That's why some people keep putting others down, gossiping about them and making fun of them without understanding that jealousy is the main drive behind their behavior.

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