Why did she reject me (Understanding rejection)

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why did she reject me

In my previous article Why criticism hurts i said that people always see a reflection of their personal flaws in each negative comment they get.

A guy i know looks good but whenever someone rejects him he believes that it happened because of his looks. The guy proposed to a girl and she said that she is not interested in him and so he quickly concluded that she didn't like his looks forgetting that there are tens of other factors involved.

Because i know them both i had the chance to notice the girl's body language while the guy was present. The weird thing i noticed is that the girl was unconsciously doing the body language attraction signals while looking at the guy.

When the guy knew this as well he started to ask the question, why did she reject me then!!

Why did she reject him?

In order to know why the girl rejected the guy we have to know a little more about her past. This girl, even though she looks great, has a real bad self image problem.

She doesn't think that she is attractive nor she thinks that she is worthy! The girl found the guy attractive but because of her bad past experiences she wanted to prove to the world that she can make a more attractive guy fall in love with her!

So in fact the girl didn't reject the guy because she didn't like his looks but rather because her low self esteem forced her to look for another better looking guy. All what the girl cared about is letting others realize that she can hunt the most attractive guys around because she thought that everyone thinks that she is not that worthy!

Now the big mistake that girl made is that she assumed that everyone sees attractiveness the way she sees it while that's completely wrong. (see Physical attractiveness perception)

The other mistake she did is that she moved away from a person she found attractive just because she wanted to appear more worthy in front of others (of course this makes no sense because the whole plan was built on her false assumptions)

Back to the guy who was rejected

The guy felt so bad when he was rejected because he never knew these facts nor he had that knowledge about psychology. But when he knew these facts he felt much better about himself. So what conclusions can we make out of that true story?

  • You were not rejected because of that: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that whenever someone gets rejected he will quickly think of the flaw that he hates about himself the most then connect it with the rejection he got. If you do that then know that in most cases you will be wrong!!
  • People can reject you because of their own flaws not yours: Just like you saw in the previous example a person can reject you because he has some personal flaws. Had the girl in the previous example been more confident she wouldn't have cared about the opinion of others and she might have went into a relationship with that guy. I once met a girl for the first time who greeted me with complete disrespect, because i know a lot about psychology i was able to conclude that the girl felt jealous of me because her sister have been talking about me all the time before i arrived. If i had a low self confidence i would have quickly concluded that she dislikes me for whatever reason my mind could come up with (usually the reason i fear the most).

I am not saying that people wont reject you for reasons that are related to your own flaws but in many cases the rejections that make you feel really bad will have nothing at all to do with you.

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Want to know more?

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