Why do i attract emotionally unavailable guys

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why is the same mistake repeated over and over?

Why do some women always attract emotionally unavailable guys?
Why do some women never learn from their mistakes?
And why don't those women pull back when they realize that they chose the incorrect person?

The first explanation for that phenomenon is that you are looking for certain traits that are indirectly connected to emotional unavailability. Let's suppose that you like independent men.

In such a case there is a chance that the independent man you are with won't call you as often as you want. This doesn't mean that independent men are emotionally unavailable nor it does mean that they don't call often but it only means that the chance that a miss understanding might happen with an independent man is high. See also also why independent people hardly fall in love.

Now what if you liked independent people who are extremely ambitious?
In such a case that person might be extremely busy and might hardly find sometime to call back.

In such a case you might believe that the person you are with is emotionally unavailable just because the traits you were looking for made it seem like the man had no time for you. In other words the personality traits you are after might result in picking a man who seems emotionally unavailable. See also Why do i always fall in love with the wrong person.

But the person is truly emotionally unavailable

The same concept could exactly lead to choosing a person who is truly Emotionally unavailable. Some personality traits come in clusters that it's hard to find one of them without finding the other.

There is a possibility that some of the personality traits you are after are directly or indirectly connected to emotional unavailability. See This is why you always fall in love with commitment phobes.

Now there is a trick in here that confuses so many people. So many people get attracted to others without knowing anything about them only to discover that they are emotionally unavailable. In such a case you should blame your love map , or the list of items in your mind that determines the type of people you get attracted to.

You might be choosing them on intention

In my previous article Why do people choose the wrong mate i said that the subconscious mind of a person can trick him into falling in love with the same type of people just because it wants to prove something to him.

A girl who was rejected by a person she loved much might keep falling in love with people who resemble him just because her subconscious mind wants the approval of anybody who resembles that person. See How your past affects your present.

If at any point of her life a woman was rejected by an emotionally unavailable man who mattered much to her then she might keep getting attracted to emotionally unavailable ones to prove to herself that she is worthy.

What's your definition of emotional unavailability?

Finally many problems arise between couples because of their different expectations of the relationship. You need to define exactly what you mean by emotional unavailability and make sure you communicate this information to your partner.

One of the problems i see often between couples who love each other is that the man calls less often , because calling back isn't his way of expressing love, while the woman assumes that he doesn't like her much because for her calling often is a sign of love.

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