This is why you always fall in love with commitment phobes

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why do people get attached to abusive partners?

Why would someone fall in love with a person who doesn't want to commit?
Why do many people get attached to those who ignore them or treat them badly?
Why do so many women find it so hard to get over an emotionally unavailable partner?

If the ultimate goal of a relationship is to make ones life better then why do some people strive to remain in relationships that drains them emotionally?

In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i explained how its very hard for a human mind to rest when there are missing pieces of data. We humans are too curious to solve mysteries and find explanations for them even when they are not that related to our lives.Now what if a question that can affect our lives to a great extent became a mystery? Won't we be very eager to answer it?

This is exactly what happens when someone likes a commitment phobe. Because the later always gives mixed signals the question "whether he truly loves me or not" becomes a mystery that keeps a person hooked. Let me tell you how it happens.

This is why you always fall in love with commitment phobes

The commitment Phobe starts by being extremely nice, caring and loving. Then as soon as he finds that things are about to get serious he quickly starts to withdraw by doing actions that can't be explained by his partner (like not answering the phone for prolonged periods of time, showing much less care or even disappearing for weeks).

Now the person who fell in love with that commitment Phobe finds himself totally confused because of the conflicting data he finds. After all how can anyone explain the emotions of a person who sometimes shows deep love and in others times seems like he never cared.

As a result of those conflicting emotions those thoughts invade the mind of the person:

  • 1) Did he ever love me?: People start to become confused and wonder whether they were truly loved or whether it was a lie.Now for some people answering that question with a no might give a strong blow to their self esteem. That's why they prefer to keep attached to the abusive relationship hoping one day to get a yes as an answer (see also Falling in love with your abuser)
  • 2) What's going on?: I have said in previous articles that our beliefs become strong when we recall thoughts that are related to them more often. As the People keep wondering whether the commitment phobe loves them or not they become more and more attached to him because of the repeated thoughts (see also How thinking about a person more often can get you hooked up)
  • 3) I accept the challenge: This part usually happens on the unconscious level - that is the person might not be aware of it even if it exists. So many people become allured by the challenge of getting the true love of a Commitment Phobe and this motivates them to stay in the relationship. After all the reward seems too big for those seeking a self esteem boost.

The truth about this relationship

If someone truly loves you then he will never take the risk of losing you. In other words, if someone is giving you those mixed signals then know that he doesn't care that much. Yes he cares a bit but not to the extent that would motivate him to maintain the relationship (see also Signs that show that someone likes you).

If someone isn't sure about being with you then he is waiting for another opportunity and even if you got married to that person he will always be looking out for other options. This is why cheating usually happens in such relationships. Because the person wasn't so sure about being in relationship with you he tries new opportunities whenever he finds them.

So why did i end this article with such a rough advice? Because its way better for you to realize now that this person doesn't care about you much then feel bad for a week or two than to spend few years suffering and still get that same shock latter on (see also 10 ways to get over breakups fast).

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it's a boring online encyclopedia but it's a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book "How to get over someone in few days" was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.

Want to know more?

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What do you really want from a relationship

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

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