Why do we miss our exes when we meet new people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

This is why you can't forget your Ex

Why do we miss our exes when we try to move on?
Why do we always remember our exes when we try to meet new people?
Why sometimes our minds wander about our exes even when we are with new people?

One of 2knowmyself readers send me a message telling me that even though she is trying to date a man to forget about her Ex still she remembers her Ex whenever she sees that man.

The reason this happens is simple and don't worry, your Ex wasn't extraordinary or one of a kind but it's all about the way your mind works (See also Why there is no such a thing as the one).

When you meet a new person , even if that person was just a friend, your mind will always compare him to your Ex. If you met someone with the goal of getting into another relationship then those comparisons are going to be much more powerful.

If your Ex won the comparisons then certainly you are going to miss him while if your Ex lost the comparisons then you will hardly miss him (see also do soulmates really exist).

Why do we miss our exes when we meet new people

Does this mean your Ex was so great that nobody can be compared to them?
Of course not, it just means you were doing one of those mistakes:

  • 1) You are trying to forget: You met a new person to forget about your Ex not because you really liked him. In such a case your subconscious mind will understand the trick and make you miss your Ex.
  • 2) You never closed the relationship properly: In my previous article about relationship closure i explained why closing a relationship the right way can help you recover fast
  • 3) You lowered your standards: If you lowered your standards after a breakup or if you are desperate for approval just to prove to yourself that you are still worthy then you might miss your Ex when you meet other candidates who aren't good enough
  • 4) You broke up few days ago: If you broke up few days ago then it's totally OK to remember your Ex. In my book How to get over anyone in few days i explained how the process of recovery requires that you break the associations that were formed between your Ex and the different places you went to together. This process takes sometime and can't happen overnight
  • 5) You are meeting people who don't satisfy your needs: We fall in love with people who can help us satisfy our most important needs. No matter how great the people you are meeting if they don't help you satisfy the right needs then you will still miss your ex (See also what is a love map

How to solve this problem

First of all you need to understand that it's totally OK to remember your Ex every now and then but if you did the right things and avoided the mistakes listed above then those memories will fade away soon.

Close the relationship properly then try to find people who can help you satisfy your important needs. When you do so you won't miss your Ex anymore and you will feel much better (See also Why you never recovered from that breakup)

The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you.

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Want to know more?

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