How social should I be?

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How social should I be?

It is a very important question to ask, because finding the right balance is both important for your well being and social life.

We sometimes tend to be very social, enjoy the company of others and meet many interesting people but lose track of other important areas in our lives and start facing too many social drama, misunderstandings and disputes.

On the other hand, we sometimes tend to retrieve to avoid complications but end up alone, and that’s not healthy either. So, what is it then? How can one socialize and achieve peace of mind? This article will help you to never worry about this dilemma again.

What’s the right balance?

Be nice but distant except with the people you want to turn into close friends. Let this equation be your lifetime barometer on how socially involved you should be without a lot of pressure. (see also How nice should i be)

The best way to go is to be nice to everyone, but never too much involved. You see the closer you get to people, the more they get comfortable enough to remove the nice respectful behavior that gives you the pleasant feelings of socializing that you experience in the beginning.

Keeping a distance, will mean you get to keep this nice attitude between them and yourself and always leave with a pleasant experience. When people remember you with a pleasant experience, they will always want to be around you. (see also How to develop social skills)

Doing otherwise will get you involved into many complications including each one’s own understanding of the right level of respect, getting into problems that don’t concern you and paying for it, getting back stabbed from the psychologically imbalanced, and yeah you get the rest. (see also Why do people talk about others)

So help people without being too emotionally involved, be pleasant and kind but firm if needed and finally remember that you are there to have a nice time so keep your more intimate conversations with your close friends.

I’m distant, but they’re so negative!

This takes us to the second point of our discussion.
Look I don’t care how much benefit this current group of people is giving you, if it gets too negative, retrieve. (see also dealing with negative people)

Nothing contributes more to lack of inner peace and self-esteem than negativity.
Weigh it out, what’s more important to you, the benefit you’re after or your peace of mind and calmness?

Can’t you get this benefit in any other way? Did you really think well enough on how else you can get it? Is it worth losing your self-esteem?

If you absolutely can’t leave this group of people for the time being, reduce the time spent and make a plan on how you can finally retrieve and get the same benefit sometime soon.

Otherwise, it’s really not worth it.
Also be careful, sometimes you may not realize that the group is negative because you are putting all the blame on yourself for not being accepted. Look, we are all different people, some people we will blend in and others we won’t. That is that. Stop putting all the blame on yourself, and find other people that you can blend in easier.

This doesn’t mean that the current group you’re with are bad people at all, they could be wonderful, but blending is just not happening. So stop and use this energy to blend in with a group that could be easier to blend in for you. And yes, you will find.

Mouth bashing? Not a good idea

Make a reputation of being good to everyone, this will keep the pleasant environment we were talking about earlier. But, what about the others around you that are talking behind other people’s backs?

If you can leave yourself out of it do. If you can’t, be polite, sympathize and then find something that is of good intention that the person they’re talking about probably meant to do.

It is important that you don’t show people that they are bad because they’re speaking behind other people’s backs and you’re the good one because you’re not doing it. This will create dislike and tension. This is why you should sympathize of course, but try to find something good to say about the person. Anything.

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