Am I turning into a bad person

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I feel bad about myself

At some point in our lives we may start noticing that we are not behaving the way we imagined we would be. Many people at some point even become the kind of person they really hate. Does this mean that this is it?

Listening to encouraging words is not enough. Understanding what’s going on and how to fix it though, is absolutely essential.

What’s happening to me?

Throughout your life you have subconsciously built and defined your values and standards for behaving properly. When you don’t abide to these values however, your self esteem starts to go down.

The reason for this is because even though you may justify a million ways to yourself how you are right, your subconscious mind knows what you are doing is wrong and won’t leave you alone.

How? It will continue to send you signals in the form of bad emotions to push you to change and do what you believe in. Also, if you put aside the negative emotions and the depression that you may face as a consequence, you need to put your self-esteem into consideration.

When you are not acting in accordance to what you believe, you tend to by time dislike yourself. No matter how much effort you put into making achievement, which will really make a difference in boosting your self-esteem, your wrong doings will put it down.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that by doing what you believe in and acting according to how you really want to see yourself, you can keep your confidence levels very high and keep you balanced internally.

But, I need to keep the bad attitude

Let’s look at some examples to clarify this a bit more and how we can all fall into this without realizing. Consider a son who just upset his mother is starting to feel guilty for the very cold way he has treated her.

She asked him if he didn’t like her anymore and all he could do was give a very cold smile and say in a very cruel way “No”. He hears her crying from his room, and wishes he would stop listening to her cries because they are really starting to irritate him. Ouch. What a horrible person you may think.

Listen to him speak about his guilt, he explains how she has always belittled him and made him feel bad about everything he does. He described how she was always cold towards him and constantly gave remarks and criticized every move he made.

Looked down at him when he opened the fridge to eat, called him a loser every time he did something stupid in front of people and felt indifferent when he shared his feelings with her.

Here is our second ouch. Now, we understand a little bit more why he is keeping his attitude.

Why do we keep bad habits

That doesn’t cancel what we explained in the first section though. This also doesn’t mean he should ignore the bad treatment he’s getting or this too, will also serve to induce more negative emotions and contribute to lower his self-esteem.

This example goes with so many of the things we do wrong but need to keep. Take people who bully other for example. They bully them in order to gain respect through educing fear among people. Tell a bully a hundred times how much this is wrong and you’ll realize he/she still gets back to this attitude.

In many cases, there is some sort of benefit a person is taking out of a bad behavior and this is why it is not easy to let go of. If one doesn’t put effort into figuring out how to get this benefit without violatig your values, it only means you’re sticking around a ticking clock of lowering your self esteem and feeling unhappy.

Invest time into creating a plan on how to do things correctly without losing your benefit and the important things to you. Sometimes you’ll need to learn and acquire more skills to do them. One thing is for sure though, if you do commit to figuring out a better plan, you will self esteem will start to instantly go up, you will act in a more confident way and you will feel more psychologically balanced.

I tried to change, it seems there is no hope

As human beings we tend to fall into the trap of “all or nothing at all” attitude. Meaning either we watch ourselves behaving exactly right, or we give up trying anything at all.

It takes time to change, to get back or to make a new habit. You have to understand that the brain needs time to make a new neuro-path to your new behavior.

Until then, it is going to take time for you get enough new experience to do it right. The more you get back up from your failure and continue to try again, the more you will succeed and the better you will feel about yourself. Give yourself this time and be patient, you don’t have to get it all right in the beginning.

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