How can you change people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How can you change people

In my previous article Why dont people change i said that learned helplessness and lack of courage are among the main reasons that could prevent people from changing. (see What's real courage)

I also said that some people don't change because they don't realize that they are doing the wrong thing. But what about people who know that they are going in the wrong direction but who still don't want to change?

what about people who know that they are harming themselves and others yet they insist on remaining the same?

How can you change such people?
In this article i will tell you the answer to this question.

This is why people change

In order to to know how can you change people you first need to know why people change.

Sandra was a heavy smoker for 10 years. Whenever her friends told her about the harmful health effects of smoking she just laughed at them and didn't even remember their words after going home.

no matter the number of health warnings Sandra came across she insisted on smoking and never worried about them for a second. Sandra was so obsessed with her looks and the slightest change to her appearance used to make her sleepless for days and days. (see Self image problems)

One day she came across an online article that connected the appearance of acne with smoking and since that day Sandra never smoked a cigarette!!

What happened? why did Sandra change all of a sudden?
And can someone change that fast? Yes people change that fast when they realize that an extreemly important need can be fulfilled by changing.

This is how you can change people

If you want to change people you just need to realize the fact that each and every person has certain needs that he is ready to even sacrifice his life for if that was the only way to satisfy them. (see Unmet needs psychology)

A woman who can barley lift her bag can carry a tree that weights half of a ton if it was about to fall on her 2 years old baby. Because the woman has an extreemly powerful need to keep her child alive she can change all of a sudden and do the things that she could have never done otherwise.

The key to changing people is understating their important needs then connecting these needs to the change you want them to go through, here are some examples that will show you how to change people:

  • Changing someone's mind about something: Lets suppose that i wanted to sell you a mobile phone and i knew that you have a problem in waking up on time. If i tried to sell you the mobile phone you might refuse telling me that you already have one but if i told you that this mobile phone has an advanced alarm that will make sure that you will wake up on time you are more likely to buy it. See how i connected your important need to the mobile phone?
  • Making someone fall in love with you: In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i said that once you understand the major important unmet needs a person has you can then show him that you are the one who can help him satisfy all of these needs. Of course this must be done indirectly and not in a direct way. If you did so you will certainly make that person fall for you
  • Showing him his needs: sometimes people dont change because they can't see some of their needs. For example, 2 years ago i had a very successful business and i used to turn down all new business offers because i felt that i didn't need them but one day someone asked me a question that triggered an extreemly important unmet need that i was unaware of, the question was "what's your plan B? what will you do if your business failed?". Since that day i started working on new projects more often and now a days am spending around 20 hours each week on a new business venture!! something that i would have never done if that person didn't point out this need to me.

Understand people's deepest needs and you will be able to change them with the least effort.

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