how to become emotionally resilient

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

how to become emotionally resilient

Why a negative comment about your appearance or actions can change your mood?
Why do you sometimes feel bad few seconds after a certain event happens?
Why do certain problems bother you so much and give you a hard time when you try to forget about them?

We all have flaws and weaknesses and this allows certain comments and events to bother us. This is a fact that can't be changed. But why do some people rise again after being knocked down and why do some people remain down for prolonged periods?

While you can't become invulnerable to life problems and negative comments you can learn how to develop emotional resilience so that you don't give the chance to problems to bother you for long periods of time.

Why you are not emotionally resilient

If you want to become emotionally resilient then you should first answer this question: why do certain events and comments make you feel down?

The following are the reasons you feel bad after hearing a certain negative remark or after facing a certain problem:

    You are afraid: If for example you were not satisfied with your weight and were doing a lot of effort to solve this problem then someone told you that you aren't making any progress then most likely these questions will come to your mind: what if i am going in the wrong direction? what if the actions i am taking are the wrong ones? could i be wasting my time? Those questions will trigger fear which will contribute to your bad emotions

    You are afraid that the situation repeats itself: If you were involved in a verbal fight then lost it then most probably you will feel bad afterwards. One of the main reasons for your bad feelings will be the fear of facing the same situation again and handling it in a poor way once more.

    You don't have a solution to the problem: If someone reminded you of a problem that you can't solve then most probably you will feel really bad about it. After all if someone told you that your shirt looks awful because of the newly acquired stain then most probably you won't feel that bad because you know how to solve this problem. But what if someone told you that you are a boring person? if you were not sure of your social skills then you might feel really bad about that simply because you don't know how to solve the problem

Tips to become emotionally resilient

Based on the previous facts we can conclude that in order to become emotionally resilient you need to:

  • 1) Promise yourself that this won't happen again: That sounds good but how can it be done? after all your subconscious mind will never believe you if you just promised it that you won't allow someone to hurt you anymore because it needs a proof. If you couldn't defend yourself during a fight for example then joining martial arts classes will be the perfect way to reassure your mind that this wont happen again. In the Solid Self confidence program I said that the subconscious mind cannot be convinced by affirmations or positive thoughts but instead it needs real proofs in order to believe you
  • 2) Don't be helpless, educate yourself: There is no living human who can solve all of the problems he is going to face in his life yet some humans never fail to solve their problems, why is that? Simply because those people educate themselves about the problem and the solution whenever they encounter one. In short instead of crying go and read a book or ask a professional so that you move out of the helplessness zone
  • 3) Take actions right away: You will never become emotionally resilient before you learn how to respond quickly to changes. If you added the new problem to your list of already existing problems then you will remain down and you will never rise until you start taking actions.
  • 4) Accept what happened: You will never be able to get past a problem before you learn how to accept it first. Some people remain stuck in the bargaining phase where they keep trying to reject what happened to them. Those people remain stuck for very long periods of time until they truly accept what happened to them
  • 5) Develop more skills: When i talked about helplessness earlier i said that the more skills that you develop the less helpless you will become. Resilient people are the ones who start over again right after they are hit. If you don't have the right skills then you might not be able to start again
  • 6) Be flexible: When you become flexible you will be able to change your plans without worrying much. If one strategy didn't work you will easily be able to shift to another strategy. Learn how to be more Flexible in order to become truly resilient

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