Why do we like bad people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why bad people are attractive?

I am not talking about the case where you like a person then discover that this person is bad but i am talking about the case where you start admiring or even getting attracted to a person even though you know that this person is bad.

Why do we sometimes get attracted to narcissists?
Why do women like bad boys who treat them badly?
Why do we find some really bad people attractive?

The answer to all of those questions is simple. There is something that those bad people do that impresses us a lot and as a result we end up having conflicting feelings towards them. And because that impressive thing is usually very important for us we end up liking those people even though a part of us consciously knows that it's wrong.

The most popular example here is liking the people who push us away, ignore us or treat us badly. In such a case we unconsciously assume that those people must be very valuable in order to ignore others the way they do.

In other words we see something very positive in between the lines and as a result we get attracted to those people even though we consciously know that they are bad. See why we chase the ones who ignore us.

Identifying with the villain

Although it's not common it happens sometimes that you watch a movie and end up liking the villain. All humans have the need to feel powerful and superior. Sometimes we get impressed by the power of the villain that we end up liking him even though we know that he is the bad guy.

Now when this happens while watching a movie then there won't be many bad affects but the real problem happens when that emotion takes over you while dealing with people in real life.

This is one reason why we go after the people who disrespect us or treat us badly. This can also happen on a bigger and a much worse scale. Sometimes people like political leaders who are known to be bad just because they have some traits that match those people's unmet needs. See The Hidden Psychological forces behind the support Donald Trump is getting

The powerful political leader might be loved by many even though he might be a bad dictator. Probably this was one reason some people loved Hitler. Yes many people followed him because they feared him but others followed him because they admired his power, charisma and ambition.

Finding out what you care about

I get many mails from people who ask me how to be able to find their own unmet needs so that they can understand themselves more.

Your unmet needs can simply be known by noticing the things you care about and the people you admire. Do you admire a certain person even though that person is ignoring you?

What's so special about that person is that he has some of the things you are looking for or in other words you believe that this person can satisfy some of your important unmet needs.

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