Why is my ex trying to hurt me

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

When improper recovery happens

Why would an Ex ,who has supposedly moved on, try to hurt a person?
If someone has totally forgotten about someone then he shouldn't bother hurting him, right?

Well while your Ex might have recovered and moved on still this recovery might have not happened the proper way.
In my article about the stages of recovery i explained how a person has to go through many phases before he can recover from a breakup.

One of those stages of recovery is anger where a person feels intense anger towards the one he broke up with and might feel like wanting to inflict harm on him.

When recovery doesn't happen correctly a person can remain stuck in that phase and always feel like wanting to hurt his Ex.

Why your Ex is trying to hurt you

Here are some main reasons your Ex is still trying to hurt you:

  • 1) Your Ex still has emotions for you: While this is not always the case still it can be the reason behind the desire to hurt you. If your Ex hasn't fully recovered then he/she might feel like hurting you (See also Why some people never recover)
  • 2) The breakup was devastating for your Ex: Even if your Ex recovered if the breakup was emotionally intense to the extent that it hurt them a lot then your Ex might feel like wanting to revenge because of the pain you caused (See Why breakups hurt)
  • 3) Your Ex believes the relationship was abusive: If your Ex believed that the relationship was an abusive one or if your Ex suffered a great deal while you were together because of your behaviour then they might seek revenge
  • 4) Your Ex feels humiliated : If you dumped your Ex in a way that seemed humiliating to them then they might want to seek revenge against you (see why properly closing a relationship is very important for recovery)
  • 5) You hurt your Ex's Ego: If the relationship ended in such a way that crushed your Ex's ego then they might want to seek revenge against you

What to do to end this?

There are two great methods that you can follow. The first is to do nothing after understanding that your Ex is trying to hurt you because she/he is suffering. By being emotionally intelligent enough to understand that your Ex is doing so because of not being able to fully recover then you will be able to have peace of mind.

But what if your Ex kept annoying you or doing things that badly impacted your life?
In such a case you need to use reverse psychology. By just sending a message that shows that you understand the intentions behind your Ex's behaviour your Ex will think hundreds of times before annoying you again.

Here is an example:

"I Understand that the breakup was hard for you and this is why you are still doing your best to take revenge against me however i am pretty sure you can learn how to let go and focus on your own life instead of wasting all of this energy on me".

I strongly don't recommend you send such a message unless your Ex is intruding in your life in a way that directly affects your well being.

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Want to know more?

Why revenge against your Ex is a bad idea

Signs that your Ex has moved on

Why there is no such thing as the one

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

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Breakups will never hurt like before.

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