I love my partner but I feel bored

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

When boredom hits

You can’t imagine your life without your partner, yet the relationship is starting to get boring. You’re sure you love them, but you can’t seem to feel it like you used to.

If you have these feelings you shouldn’t feel guilty about them, you’re not the only one who’s feeling it. In fact this starts to happen when couples are comfortable and safe with each other, which could be a strong indication of a healthy relationship.
If this is healthy, then how come you’re feeling bored your thinking?

This question here is a critical point in your relationship that must be dealt with. From there your relationship will either learn another critical skill on how to keep it full of life and exciting or it will die losing a great chance of spending your life with a wonderful partner.

Is he/she really the one?

This is the first question that very frequently hits people’s minds when a person starts to feel bored in a relationship even if they are in love with them. This question is vital to answer, because depending on your answer, you will be able to identify if he/she really is the person you want to spend your life with or not.

In order to help you answer this, I will give you a guide with how your own mind decides who you feel absolutely attracted to and who you can end up just liking.
As you grow up you build a list of unconscious criteria to the kind of traits that you believe are attractive. You build this list through the experience you pass through, and this list of course varies from one person to the other. (see also Love psychology)

When you meet a person who meets a lot of these criteria, you feel greatly attracted to them. So the question is; did you feel greatly attracted to your partner when you met them or do you have feelings for them because you believe they are nice and lovely and you should love them?

Sometimes we meet people who are amazing, and know that we should love them but can’t get ourselves to do it. The reason we can’t is because there are some vital criteria that they are missing even though they are amazing. (see also Attractiveness perception psychology)

Yes it was magical the more I learned about him/her

If you’ve reached this far, this is great, solving your situation is easier than you think and the solution is actually quite vital in any relationship. First before we get into details about what needs to be done, you need to prepare your emotions for some revival.

Many psychological studies have proven that when a person thinks about how life could have been different from the situation they are in, they start to feel that what is happening is more special in comparison. The movies you have been watching for the past few years may have made you believe that life should have been way different than its really is since many of them show an unrealistic example of life and relationships. (see How the media affects people)

Under the effect of what you have seen in the media you might come to the conclusion that your relationship could have been way better than its really is and so end up feeling dissatisfied.

In my book The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i sad that the more common activities you do with your partner the more you get connected to each other and less likely you are to get bored in a relationship. This is why its extremity important not to live separate lives and to start involving each other in the activities you do.

What do we do after that?

First before we get to the vital point, there is something that most couples stop doing that initially made the relationship quite interesting in the beginning; and that is trying to impress each other. When we start feeling comfortable with our loved ones we tend to stop proceeding with our efforts to impress one another. If you can relate, it’s time to reconsider this vital point again.

What makes the relationship interesting in the beginning is the feelings of excitement that couples go through as a result of meeting each other. When they start getting used to each other, it is not very exciting anymore. (see also How can i love my husband again)

What you need to do at this point no matter how busy you both are is to find several interesting activities that you can do together. Not once, not twice, and certainly not something that is just nice to do. When you start to experience fun and excitement together, you will suddenly experience amazing feelings with your partner once again.

Your mind will release endorphins making you feel the excitement that you both used to feel together once again. Hence, keeping a relationship revived is not something that you do once or experience once in the beginning, it is something that is vital to maintain in a healthy relationship.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you.

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