Does rejection mean you are ugly

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I got rejected, Am i ugly?

While searching the web for a good topic to write about i came across this question in yahoo answers: "Does rejection mean you are ugly?". Many people were asking whether being rejected meant that they were ugly or not.

Their logic seemed interesting, after all, if they looked good why would someone reject them at all? In other words those people think that if they had better looks they wouldn't have been rejected.

Now before i answer that question i want you to first visualize the following scenario. Lets assume that you suddenly became the hottest person on earth and knew that any one in the planet would love to be in a relationship with you.

Now think about three famous celebrities of the opposite sex then chose one of them as your relationship partner. Its important that you recall three random names of celebrities and not choosing three that you really like or admire.

Did you just notice what happened? You just dumped 2 famous celebrities who most likley were good looking. Does this mean that the ones you rejected were ugly?

No it only means that when you get to have more options you start to chose the people who match the exact type you are looking for.

Types, preferences and rejection

In my article Why do people have types i explained how the way people get raised and the life experiences they go through let them prefer certain types of people when choosing a life partner.

Here is an example taken from my book The psychology of physical attraction. Some people like those with round facial features more than those with straight features. Now a person who likes round facial features might rejected someone who has straight facial features even if he still believes that this person is attractive. (see also Attractiveness perception psychology)

In other words people usually reject the ones who are not their types even if they were beautiful. I personally rejected many good looking women just because they weren't my type but i can never say that those women looked anything but beautiful. (see also Why do we find some people attractive)

Some women only like bold men while others might only prefer dark skinned men. Some men only prefer blonds while some others might only go for brunettes.

Types are hard coded into people's brains and they usually don't understand the reason why they don't get attracted except to these specific types. (see also Love psychology)

The more attractive a person is the more likley he will stick to his type

Back to the scenario you visualized in the beginning of the article. The reason you dumped two famous celebrities is that you already had so many choices to choose from.

In my article How the available options affect the relationship partner choice i said that people become more picky when they believe they have more options.

Generally the more attractive a person is the more options he gets and the more likely he is to chose someone who matches the type he prefers the most.

An attractive person might become so picky to the extent that he might start paying attention to trivial matters that people usually ignore just because he believes he can find an exact match to the type he is looking for.

Now the funny thing is, the type a person looking for could actually be much less attractive than you! I have seen many cases where women rejected men who were not their type only to settle for less attractive men claiming that they are their type. (see also Facial attractiveness psychology)

So the final conclusion is, rejection might have nothing to do with your looks especially if the answer you got was "Sorry you are not my type"

People who don't understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

The book The psychology of physical attraction explained was released by 2knowmyself. This book won't just help you understand how the attraction process happens but it will also help you discover how attractive you are and will assist you in getting over the imagined ugliness problem.

Want to know more?

Are you too focused on your appearance?

Why can a jealous friend find you unattractive

How your experience database affects your perception of attractiveness

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