how to stop pleasing people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How to stop pleasing people

As humans we all have a big need for intimate relationships. This kind of need makes a normal human in need of approval by his friends, peers and relatives but when this need become so intense to the extent that it forces the person to please everyone but himself then its said to be a disorder.

There is nothing bad about pleasing others as long as the cost is not your own happiness but when you start sacrificing your needs for the sake of being approved by others then you become no different than a beggar who sacrifices his dignity to get money.

What's wrong about pleasing others?

After all pleasing others might not sound like a bad idea so why should it be stopped?

Here are the reasons:

  • It ruins your self confidence: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that If you put a high weight to the needs of people without focusing on our own needs then over time you will feel less worthy than others and your self confidence will be ruined
  • You will appear needy: Most people don't like to accompany a person who appears needy and nothing can make you appear more needy than trying to please everyone (see Social approval)
  • People are different: People have different personalities and while being nice to some of them will bring good results still it will ruin your relationship with others. You can't treat everyone the same way because every person is different than the others

How to stop pleasing others

Now that you know the dangers of trying to please everyone all the time its time to know how to stop pleasing others.

The first thing you must do is to put in mind that any normal personal in this world (including those who are very confident and attractive) has got some people who dislike him, Not because he is a bad person but because he doesn't try to please everybody all the time. (see Dealing with rejection)

The second thing you must do is to promise yourself that you will think about your actions before doing them and that if you found yourself trying to gain the acceptance of people at the cost of your own happiness then you wont take that action.

Finally you must say no to people without giving tens of excuses. Just say no whenever you don't feel like it and you will get used to saying no.

Not only you will become happier when you stop pleasing people but you will find that your self confidence is going up.

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