Why my ex keeps coming back and contacting me

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Is your Ex contacting you again?

Why do some Exes keep coming back after the relationship is over?
And why do some people keep contacting their Exes even after getting into relationships?

Someone i know contacted me because he doesn't really understand why his Ex is trying to contact him even though they broke up long time ago. The first thing i told that person is that there is more than one possibility for this behaviour.

As i said earlier human behaviour can vary greatly from one person to another and the reason someone does something might be totally different than the reason someone else does the same thing. However i believe that in a situation where an Ex is coming back there are few possibilities that could cover the majority of cases.

Possible reasons that brought your Ex back

  • 1) Your Ex hasn't fully recovered: If your Ex hasn't fully recovered from the breakup then they might contact you back to see if there is any hope in reestablishing the relationship
  • 2) Vengeance: One of the normal stages of recovery from a breakup is anger. Under the effect of anger your Ex can feel like wanting to take revenge and so might come back for that purpose
  • 3) Testing their powers: An Ex can return back to test their powers and see if they can still attract their old partner. Your Ex might be contacting you to see whether you can still get attracted to them or not
  • 4) You became more attractive in their eyes: In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i explained how the total score of a person keeps changing all the time in the eyes of others. If you did something that made you seem more attractive such as becoming more popular, successful or even more physically attractive then your Ex might feel like wanting to contact you again
  • 5) The comparisons were in your favor: If your Ex is contacting you after getting in a relationship then there is a big possibility that the comparisons that happened between you and your Ex's new partner were in your favor. In such a case your Ex might feel like they lost something valuable.
  • 6) Regret: Regret is a powerful emotion that can bring your Ex back. If your Ex felt they lost someone valuable then they might try to get back
  • 7) Keeping the options open: Your Ex might want to keep the options open because they have some doubts about the relationship decisions they took

How to respond in a such a case?

2knowmyself always tries to give ethical advice to people. If your Ex is in a relationship then you should respond back by being nice and distant. Unless your Ex breaks up it's not a good idea to keep chatting together.

If your Ex has broke up then you should ask yourself whether you really want to get back into this relationship or whether you did the right decision. If you believe you did the right decision then you need to let your Ex know about that to help them recover fully.

Contrary to common beliefs when you tell someone that there is no turning back you are actually helping them recover fast (See why relationship closure is very important for recovery).

The book "How to get over someone in few days" was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it's a boring online encyclopedia but it's a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

Want to know more?

Why is my Ex trying to hurt me

Why revenge against your ex is a bad idea

Signs that your Ex has moved on

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