Why we remain attached to the people we broke up with

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why you think you can't recover

Contrary to common beliefs you can get over any person in few weeks if you applied the right advice. I know you are now wondering how can that happen or even thinking that it's impossible but the reason you are wondering is that the media has programmed you to believe that breakups let people suffer for extended periods while in fact reality is completely different.

As a result of the tens of romantic movies that you saw, the hundreds of the romantic songs that you listened to and the thousands of words you heard from uneducated people you started to believe that getting over someone is very hard if not impossible.

In this article I will I show you the right way to get over someone by giving you solid facts and tips that are backed by psychology and that were tested successfully on millions of people who visited 2knowmyself.

Why do we fail to forget someone quickly

Before you can learn how to get over someone quickly you must first understand the reasons that prevent you from forgetting that person. One or more of the following reasons is usually the cause behind not being able to get over someone:

  • The relationship was a method of compensation: Without being aware, lots of people go for relationships because they feel lonely, lack confidence or need emotional support. Had those people learned how to deal with loneliness, how to build their confidence and become emotionally stronger they wouldn’t have fell in love with someone just to fill an emotional Gap but they would have chosen someone whom they really loved
  • Thinking that he was the one: I have explained numerous times that we fall in love with those who match most of our subconscious criteria. This simply means that finding someone who matches 50 conditions out of the 70 we have doesn’t mean that we can’t find someone who matches 55. There are hundreds of potential partners awaiting us out there but the media has programmed our minds to believe that only one suits us (see The psychology of love)
  • Everything reminds me of him: When Pavlov made his fist experiment on dogs he found that the dog could associate the sound of the bell with the meal time so that it salivates whenever the bell is rang. After the bell was rang several times without the meal being served the dog stopped salivating. In short, even if everything reminds you of a person, as long as you don’t give up to these thoughts they will fade away quickly as the time passes (see Everything reminds me of him).
  • The effect of the media: You might ask yourself why didn’t the great memories fade yet even though the relationship ended long ago? Because you have been strengthening them by listening to sad music, romantic songs, remembering the person and keeping the small items that remind you of him at home. When one event reminds us of the other both events are said to be anchored. Anchors weaken and fade on their own unless they are strengthened. In my book How to get over anyone in few days I advised everyone to burn the old letters, eat the chocolates and get rid of the gifts if they always remind them of their old relationships
  • The horrible feelings people get after breakups: One of the main reasons people fail to get over someone is the bad feelings they get after breakups however if you knew that most of these bad feelings are not by any means related to the person you loved you will get over him easily!! Your hurt Ego, your worries about the future, your loneliness, losing an intimate partner who used to listen to you and losing a good pain killer are all factors that can make you feel bad after a breakup and that are not related to the person you loved but to your own personal problems (see How to feel better after a breakup

How to get over anyone in 2 weeks

Based on the previous facts here are some advice that will surely help you get over anyone quickly:

  • Tell your subconscious mind that it's over: In my article the anatomy of acceptance I explained how acceptance never happens before hope is completely lost. We do accept the death of the loved ones because we become convinced that they will never come back. In order to forget someone you must insist on hearing from him that it’s impossible to get back together. You should even attend his wedding if you can in order to let your subconscious mind believe that it's over.
  • He was the one and there will be another one: there are lots of "ones" awaiting you out there but it's just the effect of the media programming that made you believe that you won’t find someone else like him. Yes you might not find the same exact person again but you can surely find someone better!! (someone who matches more conditions of your subconscious criteria)
  • Stop bargaining: If you kept going to the same places you used to go to together, kept listening to sad songs or kept day dreaming then you are sending clear messages to your subconscious mind that you still have hope!! As long as hope is there acceptance will never happen. If he bought you a chocolate when you were together then Eat it now to prove to your mind that it's over!!
  • Was it love addiction?: if you are like the majority who seek relationships to get over other personal problems like loneliness, lack of confidence or depression then it's time to fix your flaws and deal with these personal problems so that you don’t fall in love with a person just to feel good instead of falling in love with him because you really like him

We can summarize all of the previous advice into few lines, the main reason people never recover from breakups quickly is that they have acquired false beliefs that were fed to them by the media. As time passes they keep strengthening these beliefs through incorrect acts and that’s why they never recover quickly.

Correct your beliefs, stop strengthening the memories and as a result they will dry and fall just like an old leaf. Getting over someone is easy but you need to do it the right way.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it's a boring online encyclopedia but it's a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book "How to get over someone in few days" was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.

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