How incorrect perception affects self confidence

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How incorrect perception affects self confidence

Four people,two men and two women, who never met before had to sit together for a business meeting. During the meeting one of them remained silent and barley said anything. Two of them were shy to discuss their ideas freely while the fourth wasn't feeling that comfortable.

Right after the meeting ended everyone started to think about what happened during the meeting on his way home. The guy who was afraid to express his ideas thought that the silent woman didn't like his looks and believed that this was the reason she remained silent.

The girl who was shy to express her ideas thought that all three believed that she is an airhead who looked good but had a hollow mind. The woman who remained silent believed that all three were looking down on her because she comes from a lower social class.

the guy who wasn't feeling comfortable was sure that everyone thought that he is a boring person and that's why he couldn't speak freely!

didn't you notice anything yet?
All four people lacked self confidence because of the same reason! They all perceived reality incorrectly!

How to see reality correctly and become confident

There are few important points that you should note:

  • 1) Everyone was focused on his own flaw: The guy who didn't like his own looks believed that people didn't want to talk because they didn't find him attractive! (see Self image problems) The girl who wasn't sure whether she is an airhead or not believed that people thought of her as an airhead. In short, every person justifies perceived rejections according to his own personal flaws!! The guy who believed he wasn't interesting thought that people didn't want to talk to him because of that same reason
  • 2) All four didn't see reality correctly: I used the words perceived rejection because actually no one of the four was rejected but they just believed they were rejected! Had any one of them had the ability to read minds he would have discovered that people were not friendly because of their own perceived flaws and not because of his presence!
  • 3) The behaviour of all four people was affected by their perception: That's the most dangerous part! If a person saw reality incorrectly then didn't change his behaviour no problems will happen, however, when a person adjusts his behaviour because of an incorrect reality then there is a big chance that he will make this reality true! In the Solid Self confidence program i said that its very likely that a silent person, who decided to be silent not to appear boring, will actually appear boring to other people! When you change your behaviour you reinforce this new reality you perceived even if it wasn't real!

How to see the world correctly

Whenever you believe that people are not being nice to you because of a certain thing that you dislike about yourself quickly remind yourself that there is a great possibility that you aren't seeing reality correctly!

Put in mind that most people will be too busy with their own flaws rather than yours. Everyone will be busy getting accepted by others and that's why its completely wrong to believe that everyone is focused on you.

Once you see people that way you will become much more confident around them.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

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