I don't like to talk to people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I don't like to talk to people

Human beings are social creatures by nature who like to connect with others and to talk to them.

If you don't like to talk to people then you must carefully analyze the underlying reasons to discover whether some other problem is preventing you from making friends other than lack of interest towards others.

In my article examples of self deception i explained how we humans deceive ourselves all the time in order to protect our egos. In many cases we come up with excuses to mask up things that we want to hide instead of facing the truth.Not liking to talk to people might be one of those masks covering a bigger problem that you don't want to face.

This is why you don't like to talk to people

The following are some of the reasons that could let someone dislike talking to people:

    Self deception: The word dislike can sometimes be used to replace the word i can't. If for example you lack self confidence and fear to be evaluated by others you might come up with an excuse such as "i don't like to talk to people" while in fact the truth is that you are afraid to talk to people.
  • Past experience: If during your past you suffered or had a bad experience while trying to connect with others, even if it was not your fault, then you might grow up disliking talking to people and find yourself unable to make friends. For example, This sometimes happens when a parent favors the youngest child over the elder and thus make the elder think that he will always be replaced by someone else in his future relationships. As a result of this setup the elder child might try to prevent that situation from happening again by deciding not to talk to people. Of course the person in such a case will never be aware of what's going on in his mind but he will just feel that he doesn't like to talk to people without knowing why (see How birth order affects personality
  • Are you hiding something?: Another common cause for not wanting to talk to people is being afraid that they discover something about you. Usually people who suffer from inferiority feelings don't like to talk to strangers because of the fear of allowing others to discover that they are inferior.
  • Shyness and talking to people: Many people don't understand the seriousness of shyness. While shyness appears to be harmful from the outside if you examined it deeper you will find that its just a cover for more serious problems like inferiority complex and low self esteem. If you don't like to talk to people because you are shy then you must learn how to get over shyness
  • Introversion and talking to people: some people say that they don't like to talk to people because they are introverts but in fact psychologists up until today are still debating whether introversion is a psychological disorder that happens to a person or whether some people are born with it. For example some people are introverts because they don't feel good in the company of others as a result of the anxious feelings they experience around people. If that's the case then introversion itself is a mask for a more serious problem which is anxiety

This is what to do if you dislike talking to people

The good news i have for you is that all of the previous personality problems are not inherited but they were learned as a result of the life experiences you have been through.

You can unlearn whatever you learned and develop the personality you always wanted to have. For example if you discovered that you dislike talking to people because your self esteem is low then you can simply start building self esteem.

As soon as the underlying cause is treated the problem of not liking to talk to people will disappear and you will find it easy to make friends.

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