Why can't i settle down with one person

Got problems settling down?

Do you jump from a relationship to another without ever settling down?
Do you have a problem keeping a relationship going?
Do you find it very hard to settle down?

As humans we get motivated to move in a certain directions when we have a certain psychological needs. If our actions led to the satisfaction of these needs then we wont be motivated to do the same behaviour anymore.

A showy person could keep talking about his achievements as long as he believes he didn't achieve much. Once he believes he made great achievements his desire to talk about himself will become less since his core need got satisfied already. (see Motivation and needs

Now when someone keeps repeating a certain action over and over then this means that either his needs are uncommon or that his actions are not satisfying his needs.

Could having multiple relationships be the target?

In my article why are some people players i explained how the desire to get accepted and loved and the desire to raise the self esteem forces some people to jump from one relationship to another.

The target of a player is not to continue a relationship but just to hunt a person down to collect the reward. This reward could be a proof that he is worthy of being loved or that he is not as unattractive as he thinks he is.

The reward a player will try to collect will differ from a one player to another but in the end all players exit a relationship as soon as they collect the reward they were after. (see also How to attract a player)

Here are few examples that show how this happens:

1) Attractive girls don't like me: If a person believed that a certain kind of people doesn't like him then he might pursue them just to prove to himself that he could attract them. And because that belief doesn't change even after he attracts one of them that person keeps trying to attract more of the same kind
2) My personality is not interesting: If a person believed his personality is not interesting then he might exit relationships right before his partner gets bored of him just to prove to himself that he is interesting. But again because such beliefs are fed by other sources such as incorrect perception of reality the problem never gets solved and the person keeps pursuing more and more partners.

When your mind wants it to end

When Susan was a little kid she saw her mother and father fighting all the time. The constant anxiety she lived in made her believe that relationships are somehow dangerous. When she grew up this experience got buried deep in her subconscious mind but it still affected the way she approached men.

Each time her subconscious mind realized that the relationship is about to become serious she finds a way to end it claiming that something went wrong.

In other words, her mind didn't really want the relationship to be continued and that's why it used self deception mechanisms to direct her attention to other reasons and made her believe that those were the ones behind the dissatisfaction with it.

sometimes the reason your relationship ends is fear of commitment however in many cases people don't realize that fear is their main motive. An excuse such as "I didn't find someone suitable" can be used to hide the fact that a person is too afraid to commit to someone.

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