How to have self-confidence in relationships

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I need to feel more confident with him/her?

Whether you want to improve your self confidence in general or you’re a confident person in real life but can’t seem to feel it in your relationships, this article will show you where you go wrong and how you can boost your confidence.

Feeling confident is not about the external factors around you or the partner you’re with, it is about how you analyze your thoughts and behave. In the Solid Self confidence program i said that your perception of the world is the factor that determines how you label each experience and not the experience itself.

Two different people could go through the same situation, one of them could gain more confidence while the other could lose some of his self confidence. (see also How incorrect perception affects your self confidence)

What are you trying to hide?

We all have fears and insecurities but some of us use their relationships to fuel these insecurities!

A woman who doesn't believe she is that attractive will misinterpret every action of her man to prove to herself that he is favoring other women over her. If a man looked at any woman passing by, which is a normal human reflex in many cases, then this woman might assume that her man thought that the other woman looked better than her. (see also How your beliefs and concerns affect your perception)

Now imagine how people keep collecting incorrect information in each situation they come across. The result of this behaviour is complete intoxication of the relationship.

Instead of trying to prove to yourself that your flaws do exist work on getting rid of them. Do you feel you are boring? Then learn how to be interesting. Do you think you are unattractive? Then fix your self image problem.

Developing self confidence is all about learning the missing skills and fixing your perception errors. Once you do so you will become really confident in relationships and in dealing with people in general. (see also How to learn any skill)

Self-confidence and fear

When dealing with others fear is one of the main root causes for low self-confidence. In this section i am not referring to fears that stem from insecurities about personal flaws such as fear of being judged but i am rather speaking about fear of abandonment.

If your partner is refusing to change their behavior towards you, then you are asking for Mal-treatment and unhappiness by sticking around. I am not saying you should leave your partner every time something goes wrong, not at all. The ability to work out a difficulty facing a relationship with your partner is the sign of a true healthy relationship.

I am speaking more of your fears, more about sticking to a relationship that keeps rejecting your needs and basic respect level just because you think you would be unhappy without it.

If you really want to be confident in a relationship, you have to have a plan of what you will do and how you can make yourself happy if the relationship doesn’t give you respect. Explain to your partner how much you love them but won’t tolerate any more disrespect. Respect yourself and you will be respected, even if it means letting the relationship go.

Other misconceptions that lead to lack of self confidence in relationships

  • Is criticism OK?: I have explained earlier how constant criticism can lead to loss of self confidence. Don’t fall into the trap of accepting cruel criticism because you feel you must deserve it. If your partner wants to criticize you, you must explain that they should do it gently otherwise you would be affecting your self confidence.
  • When someone cheats: Some people lose their confidence as soon as somenoe cheats on them or even makes a remark about an attractive person. There is one thing that you need to realize clearly. All of us will meet people from the other sex that we will like, it is basic human nature. Now the point is for us not to take it to the next level and continue to think about them. So if your partner likes another person, it certainly doesn’t mean that you are worthless. What you need to do is to explain that when this happens, they shouldn’t continue thinking about it because then this is cheating.
  • Being needy lowers your confidence What happens when you depend on your partner all the time to have a good time? Your attractiveness level decreases. When one becomes needy, people lose their admiration towards them even if they don’t want to do so. I am not saying they won’t love you anymore, but your attractiveness levels decrease. So yes, it is very important you make sure you both spend a lot of quality time together, but otherwise you must have friends and activities outside the relationship.
  • Want them to admire you?: People like to stick around confident people because emotions are contagious, you feel their confidence and this make you feel good in return. So in order for your partner to admire you more, you have to continually take care of yourself and do the things that please you and improve you. The more you feel good about yourself the more your partner will get the feeling as well.

2knowmyself is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

The Solid confidence program was launched by; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

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